Ah! My Lumbago!
by RowlingIdol
Summary: Complete! A must read Poke-Story! The odd romance between Pro. Oak and Mrs. Ketchum!!! And all your other fav characters in bizarre situations. PG for language and humorous sexual situtations and use of whoopee cushions. :) Please R & R
1. The Soul Purpose of Pokemon

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Soul Purpose of Pokemon'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
As our story begins, Ash Ketchum and his friends Brock and Misty were walking and walking and walking and walking and walking and walking to another Johto town which they won't get to for a couple of episodes. Meanwhile, Delia Ketchum was working with Mimey in her garden again. "Oh Mimey. I've been feeling so down lately!" She said. "Mime?" "Yes. It's because of Ash being gone all the time. I don't how I can deal with it any longer!" "Mime Mime." "Hmmm. Maybe you're right. I'll go and visit Professor Oak."  
  
Oh no! Delia is going to visit Professor Oak! The pokemon researcher that has a secret crush on her! Nooooooooooo!  
  
"Oh! Mrs. Ketchum!" Tracy said as he opened the door. "Hello Tracy, is Professor Oak here?" she asked. "Yes. I'll take you to him because I'm gay." He said and led her around the house to the lab. Ever since Tracy got his chance to work with Professor Oak, he had been freely expressing his gay-ness. "Delia! How pleasant to see you!" Professor Oak said, deliberately dropping whatever he was doing to welcome her into the lab. "Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked, as he helped her into a chair. "Yes, thank you." She said. "I'll get it Professor!" Tracy said and ran off. "So.. Um.. What brings you here?" Oak asked, going red and pretending to be checking the status of the Magicarp in the tank next to his desk. "Oh, I was feeling lonely again. It's been so hard with Ash gone all the time. All I do is work in my garden." "Well, you DO have lovely Tomatoes." Professor Oak said. "What do you mean? I don't have any tomatoes yet! They haven't grown!" "Er..." Professor Oak said, taking his eyes off her chest. "Silly me." "I'm back!" said Tracy and handed the tea to Professor Oak who handed the tea to Delia. "Thank you. I don't know how you can stand having Gary leave." "Well, he can take care of himself." "All Ash cares about is becoming a Pokemon Master." "Well. If it makes you feel better, I do consider myself a Master of Masterba-" "Oh! I almost forgot! I have to go shopping today! Thank you for the Tea, Professor, but I have to go." And with that, she left the lab. Professor Oak groaned and began to bang his head against the wall. "Women are always hard to get. That's why I decided to go for the guys." Tracy said, beginning to rub Professor Oak's back in a loving way. "Have you fed the rock pokemon yet?" Oak asked, siding away from Tracy. "Yes." "Well.. Do it again." He said. "Your wish is my command." Said Tracy.  
  
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When Delia got back from shopping, she and Mimey began to make dinner. "I think I'll give a call to Ash." She said as she let the puttenesca sauce and the lasagna cool down. She dialed the phone.  
  
"Mom?" Ash said as he picked up his cell phone. "Hello Honey." Mrs. Ketchum said. "What's wrong Mom?" Ash asked. "Oh nothing. I was just waiting for dinner to cool so I decided to call you. Where are you now?" "We're staying at the Pokemon Center." "Assssh!!!!" Whined Misty in the background. "Come to bed with me!!!" "Just a second!" Ash said. "Well, I have to go." He said to his mom. "Who was that in the background?" "Uh. Just. It was. Pikachu! Yeah, Pikachu." "Oh. Okay dear. Bye bye now!" Mrs. Ketchum hung up the phone.  
  
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"ASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Misty yelled. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" Ash said, running into their bedroom at the Pokemon center. "What?" "Pikachu's humping my leg!" Misty wailed. "Pikachu! No! Bad pokemon!" Ash said, trying to pull Pikachu off of Misty's leg. "Pika Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" he wailed. "Let. Go. NOW!!!!!!" Ash yelled through clenched teeth.  
  
Outside:  
  
"James! You're standing on my foot!" Jessie yelled. "Sorry Jessie." Said James. "Shut up you guys. If I get this window open they'll hear you!" Meowth said. "Well." Huffed Jessie. "You wouldn't have to be worried about us being loud if we weren't having to catch Pikachu because you refuse to fulfill your purpose as a hump buddie." "It's not my fault you're the ones that are in need of a hump buddie." Meowth muttered under his breath. "You're the one who has the soul purpose to be a hump buddie. That's the soul purpose of every Pokemon." James said. Meowth ignored him as he inched the pokemon center window open. "What the---" Meowth said. "What?" asked Jessie and James. "The twerps Pikachu is humping the twerp's girlfriend's leg." "Yuck! Can't she get her own hump buddie? Geez!" James said. "You should talk." Meowth told him. The human Team Rocket members shut up.  
  
Inside:  
  
"Maybe we should get Nurse Joy to help us." Misty said, trying to wrench Pikachu free of her leg. The yellow Pokemon was beginning to drool on it. "Good idea." Ash let out his Pokemon. "You guys try to help Misty get Pikachu off her while I run to get Nurse Joy." "Bulba!" "Chika!" "Cyndaquil!" "Totodile!" "Hooot Hoot!" So Ash ran out of the room and went to find Nurse Joy. It wasn't hard to find her. Her and Brock were making out behind the Pokemon Center lobby counter. "Nurse Joy!" Ash said. "I need your help! Pikachu won't stop humping Misty's leg and we need you to get him off." "All right." Nurse Joy said, straightening her apron. "Ash!!!!!!!!" wailed Brock. "You ruined my fun!" "Sorry." Ash said as he and Brock followed Nurse Joy down to their room. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Misty screamed. The three broke into a run and ran into the room. "Oh my!" Nurse Joy said. All of Ash's male pokemon had begun to hump Misty. Chikorita ran straight towards Ash and began to hump his leg. "Aw man!" he said. "Somebody help!" Misty screamed, kicking her legs and sending Pikachu and Cyndaquil soaring through the air. "I have the perfect remedy!" Nurse Joy said. She left the room and returned with a tranquilizer gun. She shot all the Pokemon surrounding Misty and they all fell to the floor in a deep slumber. "We've been having numerous accounts of this strange Pokemon behavior lately. We don't know what is forcing the Pokemon to do it. Maybe you should talk to Professor Oak and see if he can do some research." Nurse Joy told the Pokemon Trainers. She left the room with Brock following her out. "I'm going to bed. That was the scariest thing I've ever experienced in my entire life." Misty said. She threw the covers over her and quickly dozed off. "Can someone please help me!???!!!???" Ash wailed, Chikorita still stuck to his leg.  
  
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The next day, Delia was feeling lonely again. "Maybe I should visit Professor Oak again." She said to herself. So she told Mimey to mop the kitchen and scrub the toilet and left the house. "Hello, Mrs. Ketchum. Are you feeling lonely again?" "Yes, Tracy. Is the Professor here?" "Yes. I will take you to him because I'm gay." Tracy said his usual line and took Mrs. Ketchum to the lab. "Hello Professor Oak." Delia said. "Ack! Delia! I mean, Mrs. Oak! I mean, Mrs. Ketchum!" Professor Oak said, spilling his coffee on his pants. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Hot! Hot! HOT!!!!" the Professor yelled, hopping up and down. "Oh! Here! Let me help!" Mrs. Ketchum said, grabbing a lab coat hanging over the back of a chair and pressed it against Professor Oak's pants. "Thank you." Professor Oak said, going as red as.. Well, going red. "You're welcome." Suddenly the video phone rang. "I'll get that." Mrs. Ketchum said. She picked up the radio phone. "Hey Professor Oak. Mom?" Said Ash on the other line. "Hi Honey!" "What are you doing at Professor Oak's mom?" "Visiting." "Oh. Well, can I talk to him?" "Hold on. We had a little accident." "Accident? Is everyone okay?" Ash asked. "I'm okay, because I'm gay!" Tracy said, waving to Ash over Mrs. Ketchum's shoulder. "Oh. Hi." Ash said. "Is the Professor okay mom?" "See for yourself!" Mrs. Ketchum said turning the video phone so Ash could see Professor Oak and his stained pants, which were wet in a very inconvenient area. "Mom!!!!!!!! What did you do?" Ash said, horrified. "Nothing. It was the Professor's fault that the spill happened, but he's okay." Ash was silent, not wanting to know what kind of 'spill' happened. "Professor Oak? Can you talk to Ash?" "Ash? Oh sure." Professor Oak hobbled over to the video phone with the lab coat placed around his waist. "What is it Ash. Did you catch another Pokemon?" "No. But last night, Pikachu started humping Misty's leg and then I got out my other pokemon to help her get Pikachu off while I went to get Nurse Joy, and the rest joined in!" "Hmmm. Odd behavior. What did Nurse Joy do?" "Well, she shot the Pokemon with tranquilizers and they fell off Misty. But." "But what?" asked Professor Oak. "She ran out of darts." Ash said, holding up his leg with his free hand, showing Chikorita still stuck to his leg, cooing with delight. "I see.." "Nurse Joy asked me if you could do some research." "Well, I'm afraid in order to do research with your Pokemon, you'll have to come to my lab. "Come to the lab? But we're too far away! It'll take months!!!!!!!!!" Ash said. "You're right. Well, after you finish getting your badges at the Johto gyms, which will take a good 3 to 4 months considering the airing dates of the new Johto League Champions episodes, I'll come and meet you at the Indigo Plateau for the Johto League Finals. Then you and your friends can come to my lab and I'll examine your Pokemon then." "But that's too long. Usually we're always broke so we can't rent bikes or take taxi's or buses so we have to walk." "Hmmm. How about you send Pikachu to me overnight and I'll have him back by tomorrow and you can get your butts moving." "All right." Ash said, sighing. "So let me get this straight. You get Pikachu for one day, get the info you need, and send him back." "Right." "And then me, Misty, and Brock go to the rest of the Johto Gyms, and then head back to Indigo Plateau for the Johto League." "Right again." "Then we go to the lab and you will do the rest of the research." "You got it. That gives us. about 9 months." "That's a long time." "Well you always find excuses to stop your traveling for a day or two." Professor Oak said, sounding annoyed. "Yeah.. Well. Okay then. I'll send Pikachu to you tonight. Bye! "Bye honey!" Mrs. Ketchum said, leaning over Professor Oak's shoulder to waved good-bye to her son. Professor Oak went very red.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'What up with Pikachu, Yo?' 


	2. What Up with Pikachu, Yo?

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'What up with Pikachu, Yo?'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Ash was in a bad mood. Everyone was giving him weird looks because he was walking around the Pokemon Center with a Pokemon humping his leg. Nurse Joy had gone to the Pharmacy to get more tranquilizer darts. "It's okay Ash. Professor Oak should be able to find something when you send Pikachu to him." Misty assured Ash. "All right. But it's going to take a long time for us to reach Indigo Plateau. Almost 9 months! Can you believe it?" Ash said. "Maybe we shouldn't stop so often to visit those dinky festivals and help people with their silly problems." Brock said. "But that's how you met all those pretty girls." Ash pointed out. "Oh. You're right. Well, maybe just a quick peek at them." Brock suggested. "You know it's not really our fault. It's those dumb Kids WB people who think that they should play a brand new Pokemon Episode, then play a bunch of Johto repeats, and then a new one, and then play a bunch of Johto repeats, and then a new one, and then play a bunch of Johto repeats, and." "We get the point Misty!" Ash yelled. "Fine. It's true." Misty said, crossing her arms.  
  
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Later that day, Mrs. Ketchum was still at Professor Oak's house watching some soap operas. "Mrs. Ketchum, can't you do that at your own house?" asked Tracy. "It's much more fun over here." Mrs. Ketchum replied, watching some dumb blonde cry on the TV over her boyfriend which she just found out had 5 other girlfriends. "Then why don't you move here?" Tracy said, trying to be sarcastic. "Oh! What a great idea!" Mrs. Ketchum turned off the TV and ran to the lab. "Professor!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled in a sing song voice. "Ack! Delia! I mean, Mrs. Oak! I mean, Mrs. Ketchum!" Professor Oak said, repeating the same technique he had developed this morning. "Tracy just gave me the greatest idea!" "He did?" Professor Oak said. Tracy ran into the lab. "I was just being sarcastic!" Tracy wailed. "Nonsense!" said Mrs. Ketchum. "Tell me, what did you have for dinner last night?" "Take out Chinese." "And the night before?" "Take out Italian." "And the night before?" "Take out Teriyaki." "And the night before?" "McDonalds." "And the night before?" "Pizza." "See? You're not eating right. Even better to have me around." "What?" Professor Oak said. "I was being sarcastic!" Tracy said again, close to tears. "Tracy suggested that I move in here! And I think I will! I can cook everyone good healthy meals and Mimey can help keep the lab and the house clean, and whenever my son wants some help about his pokemon, I can see him!" "I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I-.." Said Professor Oak. "I'll bring Mimey over right away." Mrs. Ketchum said. She left the lab. When they heard the front door slam, Professor Oak jumped up in the air and yelled, "Score!!!!!!! Ow! Ah! My Lumbago!"  
  
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Professor Oak cleared out his paper work and dirty clothes from the guest room and allowed Mrs. Ketchum to move in. Tracy was upset. He didn't like having women in the house very much. He liked it when it was just him and Professor Oak. But now everything was changing. Tracy slept in Gary's room, and would kip on the couch when Gary was here. The only reason he did that was because Gary locked his door and wouldn't let Tracy a foot near him for. well.. You know. May, Gary's older sister had moved out and had her own apartment, so there were no other special room arrangements. Mimey celebrated by cleaning the entire house, and Mrs. Ketchum made a large meal for everyone in the house. Professor Oak was so nervous and glad that Mrs. Ketchum would be living in his house, he couldn't concentrate on his work. "Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Ketchum called down the stairs to the lab. Professor Oak dropped whatever he was doing and ran up to the kitchen as fast as he could without affecting his lumbago. "Mmmmm! You look yummy, Mrs. Ketchum. I mean, this looks good Mrs. Ketchum." Professor Oak said. "Why thank you!" She said. Tracy trudged into the kitchen and sat in the farthest chair away from Mrs. Ketchum. Just then, someone came in the door. "Yo! What up homies and homie G! I just got in from doing my Pokemon crap! And I thought I would drop by." "Gary?" said Professor Oak. "GARY!!!!!!!" said Tracy, in a loving way. Tracy leapt out of his seat and went up to Gary, his hands moving in a groping way. "Hey you ho-bag! Get yo' hands off my ass!" Gary said, fleeing to the other side of the room. Tracy burst into tears and ran off. The words 'no man loves me!' could be heard through his sobs. "Well! Gary, what a surprise. Since Tracy is in no mood to eat, you can have his dinner." "What up, Ash's mommy-o!" "Um. So nice to see you Gary." Mrs. Ketchum said. "What are you doing in my frat house, yo?" "YOUR 'frat' house?" said Professor Oak. "I moved in!" Mrs. Ketchum said. "Hooooowie!!!!!" Gary said. "Grandpa's got himself some BOOTY!" "Ahem *cough*" went Professor Oak. Mrs. Ketchum just smiled. "Hey, Gramps. Can I kick the Gay Ho-Bag out of my room?" "Sure.." Professor Oak replied. "Okay. Let me get my bazooka from the shed out back." Gary ran away laughing madly.  
  
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"I have a wonderful idea," said Mrs. Ketchum after dinner. "After the dishes are done, we should go see a movie!" "What a great idea! What movies are playing?" said Professor Oak. Just then, Tracy walked in.  
  
"We should see 'Hey Arnold - The movie'." He suggested. "That Arnold sure is HOT!!!! *skiiiissssssh*" Tracy said, licking his finger and making a steam noise. "Gary? Do you want to come to the movies with us?" Mrs. Ketchum asked, through his door. "Damn straight I do, home girl!" Gary flung open his door, skittered around Tracy, giving everyone a good look of his new outfit. He was dressed to look like a rapper. "Should we take my Homie buster-mobile, or Gramps van with the handicapped tag hanging from the rear-view mirror?" "Um. Let's take---" Professor Oak began before Delia blurted out. "Gary's car!!!!! WEEEEEE! I've never been in a Homie Buster-Mobile before!" "Dude, woman. It's just a Volvo." He turned to his grandpa and whispered in his ear, "Dude, your woman gots a fine pootie tang booty." "She's not my woman." Professor Oak said. "By tonight she'll be!" Gary said, slapping his grandpa on the back. "Careful! My lumbago!"  
  
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At the movie, Professor Oak and Delia got seats in the back, closer to the speakers. Tracy tried to sit right next to Gary, but Gary was surrounded by the girls who worked at the theater. "Hey babe. I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Gary said to the nearest blonde who immediately wrote it down on his arm. "Talk to yah later hot cakes." He said winking. All the girls fainted around him, creating a perfume barrier between Tracy and the womanly smell wafting around Gary. Tracy sniffed in his seat until the movie started, so he could 'think' about the football headed blonde on the screen. Hee hee hee. "So.. Uh. That was sure some car ride here!" Professor Oak said to Delia. "My ears are still ringing from Gary's bass system." She admitted. "Uh.. Um. Do you mind if I put my arm around you? It helps stretch out my back. It's good for my lumbago." "Oh. All right then." Delia said. "Tee hee." Thought Professor Oak. Seconds later, Mrs. Ketchum asked, "Um, Professor Oak? Is groping my butt good for your lumbago, too?" "Oh yes! VERY good." "Okay." "My doctor also recommends pelvic thrusts." "Really? I've never heard of that as a medical remedy." Mrs. Ketchum said. "Well, it is. Maybe you could.. Um. help me sometime." "All right! I'm always available to help those in need." Mrs. Ketchum said, totally unaware Professor Oak was hitting on her. "Score one for the professor! By tomorrow night I'll be laid! If my lumbago doesn't act up..." He thought.  
  
Later during the movie, Professor Oak began hitting on Mrs. Ketchum again. It was good to strike up a conversation now, when there was no one else in the theater. Gary was making out with the women employees and Tracy was... Welllllll.. Doing something natural but not pleasant to the human ears. So Professor Oak took the chance to talk over the 'sound'. "Did you know, according to my doctor, he thinks lumbago has a link to mouth disease." He told Delia. "Is that so?" "Yes. He uses a special dentist tool to wipe my mouth clear of any invisible mouth germs and other paraphernalia." "How interesting." Delia said. "It's similar to what Gary is doing." "You mean you French the doctor???" "NO!! NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Oh." "So.. Uh.... I haven't been to the doctor in a while, so can you try to clear my mouth of any invisible germs and other paraphernalia?" "I don't see what harm it can do." Delia said, leaning in close to the professor.  
  
Oh no!!!!! If only Mrs. Ketchum knew what this lumbago health technique will lead to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Gary got tired of making out with the employees, and the movie wasn't that appealing to him, and neither was what Tracy was doing, so he decided to get some snacks from the food bar. As he was leaving the theater, he saw his grandpa and Mrs. Ketchum making out in the back. "Oooooooooooh. Gramps gonna get it on for sure!!!!! Damn he's sly." And went to get popcorn.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'James the Genuine Sno-Kone. Pure-Wholesome-Delicious' 


	3. James the Genuine Sno-Kone

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'James the Genuine Sno-Kone. Pure-Wholesome-Delicious'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Today our friends were walking to the next nearest Pokemon center. They were trying to get a head start to the next gym. But little did they know, that Team Rocket was creating a new plan to capture Pikachu. "Sno-Kones!!!!!!!!!" James said, dancing around dressed like a snow cone complete with a cone bra. "Ice cold!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get your Sno-Kones here!!!!!!!!" Jessie and Meowth were making snow cones off the side of a road. They were hoping to capture Pikachu after getting the twerp and his friends to stop for an ice cold treat. "Meowth! Don't get your fur in the snow!" Jessie yelled at the Pokemon. "Sorry! Hey! Look, here comes the twerps!!!!!!!" He said, elbowing Jessie's leg. "Act natural!" Jessie told Meowth. "James! Say your lines now!" James began to dance around the booth and the path, his cone's on his chest swaying to and fro. "Sno-Kones!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sno-Kones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only 50 cents!!!!!!! Over 69 flavors!!!!! Featuring Pikachu Pee, Clefairy Crap, and the Starmie Suicide!!!!!" "James!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that line!!!!!!!!!!! The OTHER one!!!!" "Oh." James said. The twerps were now very close to the booth. "Hey look! Sno-Kones!!!!!!" Ash said. "Hey look! A guy wearing a cone bra!" Brock said. "ANYONE WITH A CHIKORITA HUMPING THEIR LEG GETS A FREE SNO-KONE!" James yelled with a final twirl. "You sir! Would you like to receive a FREE sno-kone because it's 'Give a Free Sno-Kone to Anyone with A Chikorita Humping Their Leg Day!'" "Wow! Totally awesome. Gee thanks Miss.ter." "Which flavor would you like young twerp, I mean man?" "Um... How about Jigglypuff Grape Jam?" Ash asked. "How about, our Hump Buddie Extreme!?!?!?!?!?!" Jessie and James said, throwing off their costumes. James still had his cone bra on. "Prepare for trouble!" "Make it double!" "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all peoples within our nation!" "To denouce the evils of truth and love! "And extend our reach to the stars above!" "Jessie!" "James!" "Team Rocket humping - I mean - blasting off at the speed of light." "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" "Meowth, that's right!" said Meowth. "It's you guys!!!!!!!!!" Misty said. "Yes! Mu ha ha ha ha! Yes! It is us!!!!!!! And we are going to steal your Pika. chu. Hey, where is Pikachu?" "He was tranquilized last night and we have to keep him in a Poke ball." Ash explained. "Aw man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, we'll still fight you for the ball!" Jessie said. "Arbok go!" Jessie yelled. "Go Cyndaquil!" Ash yelled. "Poison sting attack!" The Arbok charged at Cyndaquil before being knocked out by it's Flamethrower attack. "Go Victrebell!" James yelled, sending out the Pokemon. It immediately engulfed him and humped him from the inside. "Awwwwwwwwwwww! Nooooooooooooo!" James yelled. "Tackle attack!" said Ash and soon... "Team Rocket's humping off again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *ting* went Team Rocket as they were blasted away.  
  
Team Rocket landed in from of the Team Rocket headquarters. "My arse!!!!!!" James wailed. "Dry your tears. We have to report to the Boss." So they entered through the thick metal doors and past all the hippie like items strewn over the headquarters. They knocked on their boss' door and went in. Giovanni was sitting on the floor in front of a large contraption with smoke furling out of the top. He was sucking on a small hose like thingie. "Ah! Jessie and James! What brings you here?" Giovanni said. "We tried yet again to capture Pikachu, but it failed. We had too much leftover ice from our snow cones, so we decided to bring it to you." James said. Jessie set the cooler of ice next to the bong. "*ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss* Ahhhh.." went Giovanni, taking a long draw from his bong. "Sir? What is that?" "Um.. None of your concern. Thank you for the ice. Now LEAVE!!!!!!" Giovanni yelled. Team Rocket scattered. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Giovanni said, taking another huff on his bong.  
  
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The next day, Mrs. Ketchum woke up bright and early and started to make breakfast. She was still in her see through night gown. Professor Oak walked into the kitchen, woozy from his lumbago medicine. "Hoooooooooooooly!" Professor Oak said. "Oh good morning Professor! Would you like some coffee?" she said, turning around and holding up the coffee pot. Professor Oak's mouth dropped open. "That and something else!!!!!!!" he said. Delia looked at him, and then poured him a cup of coffee. "Say. Delia. I was thinking. It would be nice to go out to dinner." Professor Oak said. "Oh, Professor! Do you think Tracy and Gary would cooperate at dinner?" "Tracy and Gary? I was.. Thinking.. Just us." He said. "Like a date?" Mrs. Ketchum said, leaning down to hand him his coffee. He immediately shifted in his seat to look down her top. "Well. Yes. You wouldn't mind, would you?" "Oh no. I think it would be fun! I haven't been on a date in years!!!!!" Delia said. Professor Oak almost spat out his coffee. "So you mean you won't mind?" "Of course not!" "And then later.. You could help me with my lumbago techniques." "Okay. Where should we go for dinner?" "Perhaps a fancy restaurant. There's one that also take Pokemon." "Oh how cute! I'll bring Mimie!" Mrs. Ketchum was feeling very happy. She had never been so excited before. She gave Professor Oak a hug. He fell out of his chair.  
  
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Evening was falling and our heroes were at the next Pokemon Center. Chikorita was off of Ash's leg and safely in her Pokeball. Ash was over at the Pokemon transporter and had Pikachu in his locked Pokeball ready to go to Pallet Town. He turned on the Transporter Viewer and dialed Professor Oak's number. Tracy answered the phone. "Ugh! It's you! I mean. Hi. Is Professor Oak there?" "Oh yes! Hey Ash." Tracy winked at Ash. "Can you please get the Professor for me?" Ash said. "Sure." Tracy said. Professor Oak came into view, straightening his lab coat collar. "Hello Ash! Are you ready to send Pikachu over?" he asked. "Yeah.. Um, professor? What's that on your face? Is that lipstick?" Ash asked. Professor Oak rubbed frantically at his face. "Ummm.. Why don't you put Pikachu in the transporter?" Professor Oak said. Ash put the Pokeball in the transporter and turned to the screen. "Okay." Ash said. Professor Oak pressed a button. "Hi sweetie!" Mrs. Ketchum came onto the screen, wearing the same color of lipstick that was on Professor Oak's face. "Uh. Mom? What were you and Professor Oak doing?" Ash asked. "I was checking Professor Oak's mouth in one of the many techniques to help his lumbago." She said. Professor Oak went red and coughed. "Yes. well. Ah! Pikachu has arrived!" Professor Oak held up the Pokeball. He pressed a button and it opened. Pikachu came out, looking very angry. "Pika!!!!!!!!!!!!" he said. "Calm down, Pikachu. Everything's going to be okay!" Ash said. "Professor Oak just wants your help." Pikachu looked at Professor Oak. "Pikachu." Pikachu said. He looked at Mrs. Ketchum. "PIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" He said and started humping her leg. "Oh my goodness!" Mrs. Ketchum said. "I see what you mean. Well, I have plenty of tranquilizers. I'll get started on the research after dinner, dancing, and the lumbago therapy your mom will be giving me." Professor Oak said. "Dinner? Dancing? Therapy?" Ash said. "Me and Professor Oak are going on a date." Mrs. Ketchum said. Ash blinked his eyes, thinking that maybe Brock's dinner was making him hear things. "I think I'm going to lay down. Have fun with Pikachu." Ash said. He hung up the phone.  
  
Professor Oak tranquilized Pikachu and put him in the solitary confinement Pokemon chamber with surveillance cameras to monitor his behavior. Then Professor Oak and Delia got in the van with the blue handicapped tag hanging from the rear view mirror. Little did they know they had a stow-away. "Finally." Gary said, reclining back in front of the tube. "Peace and quiet."  
  
At the restaurant, Professor and Delia ate their meal in peace, with the occasional happy noise from Mimey. Nearby.. "So.. You work here?" Tracy said to his waiter. "Yeah." The waiter said, eyeing him. "Can I take your order?" "Oh yes you can!" Tracy said, winking at the waiter. "I'll have you." Tracy made a purring noise. "Um. Sir, will you please excuse me for a moment?" the waiter said. "Anything for you." "Right.." The waiter fled, and a fat lady with a moustache came to take his order instead. Tracy slouched in his seat. "So... Why don't we try the pelvic thrust tonight?" Professor Oak said, attempting to play footsy with Delia, but instead, Mimey was sounding like it was going to cry and was trying to get away from him. "All right." Mrs. Ketchum said.  
  
They got back home (Tracy had to catch a cab), and headed off to Professor Oak's room. Gary had let Pikachu out because he couldn't stand all the flashing light coming from the confinement room. Pikachu had been using his Thunder attack. So Gary and Pikachu were eavesdropping on the Professor and Ash's mom. Tracy wanted to join, but Gary told him off. "Dude, juwanna man?" "Uh huh." Tracy said, nodding his head,. "Then here you go." Gary handed Tracy Pikachu, and Pikachu started humping Tracy's leg. Tracy began to cry. "Oh Pikachu! I never thought you cared for me that way!" Pikachu stopped humping the leg, and then hopped off. "Pika?" Pikachu said, before running back to Gary. Tracy began to cry and fled to his room. Pikachu then somehow made his way into the professor's room. "Noooooooooo! You can't join in my 'therapy'!!!!" the Professor yelled. Pikachu was then thrown out of the room and the lock turned.  
  
The next day, Gary was watching Hamtaro and eating his cereal, dripping milk down his bling blingin' shirt. Professor Oak walked into the room. "Hey Gramps, did you remember your protection?" Gary asked. Professor Oak didn't answer. "And don't forget you have a doctor's appointment today. They called earlier." Gary said. "Who has a doctor's appointment?" Mrs. Ketchum said, walking into the kitchen. "Your hump buddie does." Gary said. "Pikachu?" Mrs. Ketchum said. "No. Me." Professor Oak said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Oooooooooh! Professor! I knew you liked me! And all along I had this feeling you were just trying to get me in bed with you! Silly me. I never realized your lumbago required such delicate care!" Mrs. Ketchum kissed him. "Aw.." Professor Oak said. "I'll make everyone breakfast. Gary, are you going to come to the hospital with us?" "I dunno, Mrs. Oak." Gary said, throwing his grandfather a look. "I think I might come along. Some of those nurses have some nice jabooties." "I'll come too!" Tracy said. "I wanted to discuss something with a doctor." "All right." Mrs. Ketchum said, and began to make dinner.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The Mysterious Abercrombie & Fitch Male Catalog Models' 


	4. The Mysterious Abercrombie & Fitch Male ...

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Mysterious Abercrombie & Fitch Male Catalog Models'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Professor Oak pulled into the nearest handicapped place in the parking lot. "You can just wait in the waiting room." Professor Oak told Delia. "Nonsense! It's just a doctor's appointment, I can go in with you!" Professor Oak went red. "Helllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooo Nurse!" Gary said, running after a nurse who was heading towards the pediatric ward. "Hey! You work with kids? If you and me get together, we can make kids too!" they heard him say. "Tracy, me and the Professor are going down to the doctor's office. You can ask the front desk what you want." Delia said. "All right." Tracy said. The couple went off. "May I help you sir?" "Uh.. Yeah. I was... Interested in a.... a um.." "A what sir?" "A sperm donation." Tracy blurted. "Oh! Well, we always welcome donors." The lady behind the desk said. "Second floor, third door on the left." Tracy hurried away.  
  
"All right Samuel, have you been taking your aspirin?" asked the nurse as the doctor got his medication ready. "Yes." Professor Oak answered. "And have you been keeping your back straight with the brace we've given you?" "Most of the time, yes." "And. Mrs. Ketchum? Are you all right? You don't look to good." "Oh I'm fine." Mrs. Ketchum said. "Are you sure?" asked the doctor, holding up a big needle. "Is the scent of the medication making you a bit woozy?" "Well, I do feel dizzy. But I don't like shots.." Mrs. Ketchum admitted, eyeing the needle. "Lisa, will you take Mrs. Ketchum to another office and check for any signs of viruses in the blood stream?" the doctor asked. "Of course. Come with me, Mrs. Ketchum. We'll just take a small quick blood sample and a check up." "All right."  
  
"Now Mr. Sketchit, the donating process is very simple." Said the nurse, handing Tracy a blue flowered gown to change into. "Um..." Tracy said. "Oh don't worry, Mr. Sketchit. I won't look." Said the nurse. "Well, it's just that... That.. I prefer the MALE nurses." Tracy said. "Ooooooooh. One of these type of cases. I'll be back." The nurse said and left the room. A male nurse came in. "All right, Mr. Sketchit." "Please. Call me Tracy." Tracy said. "All right Tracy. I'm going to attach this to your little friend and turn this machine on and it'll take all that's needed." "Male catalog models from Abercrombie and Fitch would help better than this machine with me." Tracy said. "Uh. Well. I'll get some then. The candy stripers keep some in the lounge." The male nurse left.  
  
"Wheeeeeeeee Heeee Heeee! Come to daddy!!!!!!!!" Gary yelled, chasing after the teen girls in the pink striped suits. The male nurse skirted around the girls and grabbed some magazine off of the table and returned to the room. "Here you go." The male nurse said. "Thanks, love." Tracy said. The male nurse turned around. "Well. You can get on with it. We thank you for your donation." The nurse said. "Oh yeah! Ooooooooh yeah! Baby, show me those fall fashions!!!!!" Tracy said, doing the dirty. "I'll leave you to your duties." The doctor said, fleeing the office.  
  
Mrs. Ketchum and the nurse returned to the room where Professor Oak was given a large arthritis shot to help his lumbago. "Well! We have a very interesting report." Lisa said to the doctor. Professor Oak clung to his hospital smock and hid his butt from the intruding nurse. "All right? What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Mrs. Ketchum appears to be pregnant!" "I'm what?" Mrs. Ketchum said. "She's what? Whoo hoo!!!!!!! Wait!!! What?" Professor Oak said. "I think you need some explaining to do." The doctor told Professor Oak. "Can I put my pants on first?" The doctor handed Professor Oak his pants. "Due to our latest technology, the results of the blood sample showed no viruses, but she is just recently pregnant." Lisa turned and looked at Professor Oak. "It was therapy! Therapy!!!!!!!! She was helping me with my lumbago therapy!" "Yes. It's a very delicate procedure, that pelvic thrust." Mrs. Ketchum added in. "My therapist suggested all of this." Professor Oak said. "But, Samuel. Not only am I your doctor, I'm also your therapist and did not assign such outlandish pelvic thrust therapy procedures." The doctor said. Professor Oak was silent. "It was probably just a simple misunderstanding." Mrs. Ketchum said. "After all, I know that the professor really does love me." Mrs. Ketchum blew Professor Oak a kiss. He went very red. "So what are you two going to do now?" asked the doctor. "Not tell my son." Mrs. Ketchum immediately said. "Not tell my grandson." Professor Oak said. Lisa and the doctor looked at each other. 'Grandson?' Lisa was thinking. "Well. I guess I should schedule Mrs. Ketchum an appointment a few months from now." The doctor said, scribbling in his notebook. "All right. I'll see you in a couple of months. I'll have my secretary contact you." The doctor said. Professor Oak, fully dressed, and Delia left the office. "Now what?" Delia asked. "I don't know. I haven't had a kid in ages." "Me neither. But you're older than me." "You're right... Want to get married?" "Okay. This kid will need a good father." "Hee hee." Professor Oak laughed evilly. "This will make Ash Gary's step uncle!" "But they won't find out until later." Mrs. Future Oak kissed Professor Oak.  
  
***********  
  
Professor Oak attached Pikachu to a bunch of wires and began his research. "Anything coming up on the monitor?" Tracy asked, walking into the lab, still leafing through the Abercrombie & Fitch magazines he sneaked from the hospital. "Nope." Professor Oak said, typing away while Pikachu strained against the ropes binding him to the examination table. "Tracy, please tranquilize the pokemon so we can send it back to Ash. And have him send another pokemon." "All right!" Tracy said, throwing the magazines aside and grabbing a tranquilizer dart and inserting it into Pikachu. Tracy called the nearest Pokemon center and asked the Nurse Joy to tell Ash when he came in to call Professor Oak's lab. "Thank you!" Nurse Joy said. Tracy hung up and grumbled.  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
"Hey look Ash! Some person stranded on the side of the road that's having a problem with their pokemon! Let's help them." Misty said. "Hey man, what's up?" Brock asked. "Nothing much, It's just that my pokemon won't stop humping my leg." The kid said. "Mmm hmm. Seems like we have a similar problem." Ash said. "My pokemon started humping my girlfriend, and my Chikorita is still stuck to my leg." Ash said. "My Vulpix won't stop humping my leg." The kid said, showing Ash his right leg. "You should come with us to the next Pokemon center. We're stopping there so I can get my Chikorita off my leg and get my Pikachu back." "What happened to your Pikachu?" "I sent him to my friend Professor Oak so he could see if he could determine a diagnosis for it." "Oh. I'm Bobby." Said the kid. "I'm Ash. This is Misty, my girlfriend. And our friend Brock." "Hi. Now let's head over to the Pokemon center." Bobby said, hobbling along as awkward as Ash.  
  
"Honey!!!!!!" Delia said, running into the lab. "What do you think of 'Xalidorf' for a name for the baby?" "Uh... Maybe something less complicated." Professor Oak said. "What baby?" Tracy asked. Delia and Professor Oak looked at each other. "Nothing!" they both said. "Okay." Just then the phone rang. "Hello?" Tracy said into the video phone. "Hey. I got the message that I had to call." Ash said, avoiding eye contact with Tracy. "Hi Ash." Tracy said. "Yeah. Hi. Can you send Pikachu now?" he asked. "Sure. And the professor wants you to send another pokemon for research. He really couldn't find anything wrong with Pikachu, only that it started humping your mom." "It did? Aw man! That pokemon is going to be grounded." Ash said. "Yeah, well. Pikachu also ticked off Professor Oak when he interrupted your mom and him." Ash raised his eyebrows. "What were they doing?" Bobby came on the screen. "Hi!" Bobby said. "Nevermind Tracy. Mom and Professor Oak always hang out. It keeps her from being lonely." "Helloooooooo!" Tracy said to Bobby. "What's your name hot stuff?" "Uh. Bobby." Bobby said. "Go! You don't want to be involved with Tracy." Ash hissed to his new friend. "Oh. Bye." Bobby said and ran off. "I'll send you Bulbasaur." Ash said. Tracy sent Pikachu back to Ash and a bunch of tranquilizer darts. Ash sent Bulbasaur. "Bye." Ash said and immediately hung up. "What pokemon did Ash send?" Professor Oak asked. "His Bulbasaur." Tracy said, holding up the Poke ball. "It also seems like Ash and his friends stopped once again to help a trainer in need." Tracy said. Professor Oak rolled his eyes. "That's nice." Delia said. "Sweetums, should we invite the Viridian City Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny to the wedding?" she asked, rummaging around his desk for a pen and a piece of paper. "Wedding?" Tracy said. "You mean.. You're.. Wedding?" "Shhh! Don't tell Gary." Professor Oak said. Tracy fainted. "Oh dear!" Mrs. Ketchum said. "It's okay. We'll get one of the water pokemon to revive him." Professor Oak said.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Hot and steamy!!! Like Cinnamon Altoids!' 


	5. Hot and steamy!!! Like Cinnamon Altoids!

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Hot and steamy!!! Like Cinnamon Altoids!  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Ash, Misty, Brock, and Bobby stayed at the Pokemon center and racked their brains on what could be making their pokemon act so funny. "Maybe we're feeding them wrong." Ash said. "No. Brock's food is fool proof." Misty said. "Maybe they don't like us anymore." Bobby said. "No. We're nice to them." Brock said. "Hmmmmmm." The kids continued to think.  
  
Outside:  
  
"Look James! Those twerps have a new friend." Jessie said, peering through the windows of the Pokemon center. "You're right. Wonder if the have that odd humping pokemon disease I heard about." "Where did you hear about that?" Jessie said. "I mean, some people secretly know that the soul purpose of Pokemon is to be a hump buddie, but only when the trainer wants it to. They never do it just by themselves." James and Jessie looked at Meowth. "Why are you looking at me?" "Why aren't you jumping us?" James asked. "Maybe, because you two never caught me. I don't have my own Pokeball. I joined Team Rocket on my own free Pokemon will. So therefore, I'm not your pokemon, and the disease doesn't have an effect on me." "I don't know what he just said, but it seems logic enough for me." James said. Jessie continued to stare in the window. "All trainers are being required to carry special tranquilizer darts in case one of their pokemon starts humping them." "I wouldn't mind." James said. He took out Weezing and Victrebel. "Now. Who wants to hump me?" James asked. The Pokemon both looked at him. "Maybe your pokemon only hump their trainers if they have a good connection with them. Take the twerps Chikorita. It really likes him because he saved her life. So that can explain why James pokemon won't hump him, because they feel like they don't share a strong connection with him." Meowth said. "Aw.." James said, recalling his Pokemon. "What about your Pokemon Jess?" "No way. I'm not going to be strangled to death if Arbok decides to hump me." Jessie said. Suddenly Wobbuffet came out of it's Pokeball. "Wobbuffet!" It cried, before flinging it's arms around her and humping her. "Oh no!!!!! Now what?" Jessie said, trying to kick Wobbuffet. "We have to get some darts from Nurse Joy." James said and they ran into the Pokemon center.  
  
Inside:  
  
"Team Rocket!" Brock, Misty, and Ash said. "Wait you guys." Brock said. "It looks like Wobbuffet got Jessie. Let them go." "Who's Team Rocket?" Bobby asked. "They're a gang that likes to try to steal Pokemon. But now, it looks like they just want help with their Pokemon problems." Misty said. "Oh. I don't blame them." Bobby said, looking down at his Vulpix who was sleeping on his lap. "You're right. Maybe Nurse Joy will give them some tranquilizer darts and these collars that prevent them from harming us." Ash said, holding Pikachu close to him. "All right. I'll help you. Just promise not to steal anything." Nurse Joy said. "Okay, Okay! Just get this thing off of me!" Jessie yelled. Nurse Joy hurried into the back room. "It'll be okay Jessie." James said. "Holy Fudge Hinky Doodles!" Meowth said, his eyes turning into hearts. "What?" Jessie and James said, turning around. Meowth had spotted Bobby's Vulpix who had woken up and was quite mad that it had the restraining collar on it. "It's okay." Bobby was telling it. "Oh no." Jessie said. "Wobba wobba!" Wobbuffet said. "Ew, that is so disgusting." Jessie said. "He's enjoying this." Jessie told James. "I think we have another problem." James said, pointing to Meowth. Meowth had begun to drool. "Hey Ash. Look at Meowth." Misty said. Ash stopped petting Pikachu and looked at Meowth. "Oh no. Misty, we better get out of here or else he might jump you." Ash said, grabbing her hand. Ash and Misty began to run out of the Pokemon center followed by Brock and Bobby. "Hurry!" Bobby yelled, clutching his Vulpix to him. Meowth had started running after them. "Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!" Meowth yelled. "I'm not going to hump you!" The kids stopped in their tracks and turned around. "Hey baby." Meowth said, winking at Bobby's Vulpix. Bobby stared down at his pokemon, who just blinked her eyes. "Wanna go out with me into the back and do the dirty?" Bobby got a disgusted look on his face. Vulpix hopped out of Bobby's arms and Meowth and Vulpix ran out of the automatic doors. "Vulpix no!" Bobby yelled. "That has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my entire life." Ash said. "No you guys! This is a great opportunity for me to watch Pokemon that have been raised by trainers breed in their natural environment!" Brock said and chased after the Pokemon. Bobby looked at Ash. Ash looked at Misty. "Well. I guess we better go after them After all. It is my Vulpix." Bobby said. So they ran out of the Pokemon Center. "Should I go?" James asked Jessie. "Of course! Who knows what trouble he can get into? The Vulpix's trainer just went after them." Jessie said, now hitting Wobbuffet against the counter of the Pokemon Center, trying to get it off. James ran out of the center.  
  
"If Tracy was here, he would probably want to sketch this." Ash was saying as they were walking along, trying to find Meowth and Vulpix. "If Tracy was here, he would be having a hard time sketching mating Pokemon because he would be doing something nasty at the time too." Misty said. "You're right." Ash said. Suddenly someone came running up behind them. "Hey Twerp and the Twerp's Girlfriend! Have you found Meowth yet?" James said, running up behind them. "The name's Ash and this is Misty." Ash said annoyed "Hi. I'm James." James said, holding out his hand to have Ash shake it, like it was the first time they've met. "Hi. No. We haven't found Meowth yet." Ash said, quickly shaking hands. "We checked the grass by the Pokemon center, but didn't find anything." Misty said. "Bobby's looking near the route that goes to Mahogany town for them." "We also lost Brock. If we found him, then we could find Meowth and Vulpix." Ash said. James nodded and the three hurried to see if Bobby found anything. They passed a bunch of trainers and asked them if they had seen a Meowth and Vulpix. Some said yes, and pointed them in the right direction. Walking along, they saw a bunch of kids running to some bushes. "Yuck! Look what they're doing!!!!" a little boy was saying. The kids giggled and ran off. "Uh oh." Ash said. "Misty, find Bobby!" Ash and James ran to the bushes, which they could see Brock's hair poking over a pine bush. James and Ash crept over to the bushes. "Oh my fudge hinky doodles, that is so. so..." Ash said, before turning around and throwing up on the path. "Meowth!" James yelled before fainting. "Incredible!" Brock was saying. Misty came back with Bobby. "Don't even look." Ash warned them. So they didn't. "Let's go back to the Pokemon center and call Professor Oak." Misty suggested. "Brock! We're going to the Pokemon center! And make sure Meowth and Vulpix come back!" Ash said to Brock, before leaving.  
  
Professor Oak felt like he had gone back in time. Delia was throwing up in the bathroom. Suddenly the video phone rang. Professor Oak checked Bulbasaur's status on the computer before answering the phone. "Professor! We need your help fast!" Ash said. "Whoa! What's the matter? Did another of your Pokemon start humping Misty again?" "No. This is Bobby, our new friend." Ash said, indicating Bobby, who was behind him. "Hi." Bobby said. "Hello." Professor Oak said. "Bobby has a Vulpix, Professor. And we were at the Pokemon center not to long ago and Team Rocket came in and." "His Vulpix was stolen?" "No. Well, not really." Ash said. "Team Rocket's Meowth ran off with it and.. They started." "I see." Professor Oak said. "What do we do?" Ash said. "Well. Keep and eye on them, and probably by this evening, gather the eggs." "The what?" Ash, Misty, and Bobby said. "The eggs. Pokemon are born from eggs. Everyone who plays Pokemon Gold, Silver, or Crystal knows that." "We're a Game Boy game too?" Ash said. "Just make sure you carry the eggs around with you so they hatch." "Like my Togepi?" Misty asked. "Sort of." Professor Oak said. Delia came out of the bathroom. "Hi Honey!" she said into the phone. "Hi Mom." Ash said. Tracy came into the room. "Uhhhhhhhh. Gotta go!" Ash said and hung up the phone.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Ash and the Amazing Technicolor Pokeball' 


	6. Ash and the Amazing Technicolor Pokeball

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Ash and the Amazing Technicolor Pokeball'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Ash and his friends hung out in the Pokemon center. Nurse Joy came over to them. "Ash! You have phone call." She said. Ash went to the video phone. "Kurt!" Ash said. The Pokeball maker from Azalea town had called. "Hi Ash. Professor Oak called me and told me about the Pokemon breeding problem. And I have a Pokeball that can help you." Kurt held up a rainbow colored Pokeball. "Here. This is a Technicolor Pokeball. It's special. You can hold Pokemon eggs in it!" "Wow! Gee thanks!" Ash said. Kurt transported the Pokeball. "Bye Kurt!" Ash said. "Okay guys! Let's find those eggs!"  
  
"Hey Gramps and Future Step Gram, can I have a party?" Gary asked Professor Oak and Delia. "I guess so. How many people are you inviting?" Professor Oak asked. "Uhhhhhhhhh. About all the girls in Pallet Town, and Viridian City." Gary said. "That's quite a lot." Delia said. "We have plenty of room." Gary said, waving his hand in the air. "They'll all fit." Professor Oak and Delia looked at each other. "Say... Why don't you two go out for dinner and a movie or two and let me take care of the party?" Gary said, walking the Professor and Delia out of the living room. "Well... You'll need to help Tracy with the Pokemon." Professor Oak said. "Aw, I can get someone to do it for me." He said. "Trust me." Gary smiled widely.  
  
".Three.. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Seven eggs?" Brock said, counting the eggs left by Vulpix in the bushes by the Pokemon Center. "That's scary." Bobby said. His Vulpix was asleep in his arms. "You're right. Maybe Kurt should have sent us 2 Technicolor Pokeballs." Misty said. "Hey guys. Don't some of them look different?" Ash said, pointing at the eggs. "Duh, Ash." Brock said. "The cream colored eggs have baby Meowth's growing in them, and the red-orange ones with the dark red flame designs on the bottom have Vulpix's growing in them." "Ooooooooh." Ash, Misty, and Bobby said. "Now how do we get them in the Pokeball?" "Say, 'Go Pokeball'?" Ash suggested. "It's worth a try." Bobby said. "Go Pokeball!" Ash said and threw the Pokeball at the seven eggs. They all zapped into the Pokeball. "Whoa. That was easy." Ash said. He reached down to pick it up. "Owwww! My arm! That thing is heavy!" Ash said. He then used both hands to pick it up. "I never knew seven Pokemon eggs would weigh this much." Ash said, putting it in his backpack. "Now.. I guess we should go to the next gym." Misty said. "But what about Bobby?" "I'm gathering badges too." Bobby said. "Oh great. Now it'll be three boys and one girl. I swear I'm going to be raped by one of you some day." Misty said. Ash went red. "All right. Let's get going!!!!!!!!"  
  
************  
  
The party started at seven. All the girls in Pallet Town arrived first. "Hey ladies. Take a number." Gary said. "Are you sure you'll be all right?" Professor Oak asked, helping Delia into her coat. "Of course. Now let me chill with my home girls." "Have fun kids!" Delia said. They left the house. "Oh Gary!" said one of the girls. "You're SO cool, you're hot!" "I'm even hotter in bed. Who has number 1?" Gary called out to the girls in the house. "I do! I do!" she yelled. "Everyone wait their turn and let the rest of the guests in." Gary told the other girls. "Of course, Gary!" They said. Tracy walked through the living room with a bag of Pokemon food. "Hey! Who's this hottie?" One of the girl's said. "Where?" Tracy said, moving his head side to side. "You silly!" said another. "Me???? I'm not a hottie. Gary's the hottie!" Tracy said. "Everyone knows that." Said the first girl. "How about giving me some lovin'?" "I think we're out of it. I'll go check in the kitchen." Tracy said and ran into the kitchen. Tracy set the Pokemon food on the counter He opened up the freezer door and stuck his head in and breathed heavily. "Hey, hon." The girl was back again. "Ack!" Tracy said. He drew his head out of the freezer and it hit the edge. "Oh. Let me take a look at that." The girl said. "Sit on the table." Tracy reluctantly sat on the table. The girl pushed him down on it and jumped up on him. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Tracy yelled. "Aw come on. You'll have fun." She purred. "I'm not like that!!!!!" Tracy wailed.  
  
Gary came out of Professor Oak's room. "Okay! I'm taking numbers 2, 3, and 4!" He called down the stairs. 2 and 4 hurried up the stairs. "Where's number 3?" Gary asked. "She went into the kitchen with that hot black haired kid." 4 said. "Uh oh. Tracy's really not going to like that." Gary said. "Oh well. Number 5!!!!!!" Gary called out. Number 5 ran up the stairs and they went into the bedroom. The door downstairs opened. "Attention ladies! The Brockster is here!" Brock burst into the house. "Was he invited?" One of the girl's whispered, who was holding the guest list. "Nope. But who cares?" said number 17. Then numbers 12, 13,15,17, 20, 22, and 23 all dragged him to the couch. "Finally! The respect I deserve!!!!" Brock said.  
  
Tracy came out of the kitchen crying. "Waaaaaaaaaa!" He sobbed. "Even if you are a crybaby, it was worth it." The girl said. She kissed Tracy in the lips. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He cried harder. He started to run to the lab. "Brock?" Tracy said, stopping in his tracks. He wiped his face dry of tears. "Hey Tracy. Did you get some loving?" "Not the kind I like." Tracy said, starting to cry again. "It's okay. Maybe she just wasn't the girl for you." "You don't understand!!!!!!" Tracy wailed. "There are no girls for me!!!!! Only guys!!!!!" "You mean you're gay?" Brock said. "Can you tell?" Tracy sniffed. "Well. It does seem strange that you're not flirting with all these beautiful women." Brock waved his hand over the passed out mostly naked girls around him. Tracy covered his eyes. "Aw come on." Brock said. "There must be some.. Guy out there like you." "Like you?" Tracy said. "Well. No. I'm not gay. I like women." Tracy began to cry harder. "No one loves me!!!!!!!" He sobbed. "That's not true. You have lots of good friends. Ash likes you. Misty likes you. Professor Oak likes you. Mrs. Ketchum likes you. Even I like you." "You do?" Tracy said, his eyes going wide. "Wait! I didn't mean it like that!" Brock said. Too late. Tracy had already jumped him.  
  
The Professor and Delia came home around 2 in the morning. They had appetizers, entrees, and dessert at the restaurant. Then they saw 2 movies, each just about 2 and a half hours long. "What the." Professor Oak said. There were overturned lamps and pillows strewn everywhere in the living room and it smelled bad. "Gary's in trouble, isn't he honey?" Delia said. "We'll deal with it in the morning." Professor Oak said. They went up to their room. Gary and Brock were passed out amongst many girls in the bedroom. "Now what?" Delia said. "I don't know. Our house is a mess." "We could always go to my house." Delia said. "Yes Ma'am!" Professor Oak yelled and eagerly pulled her out of the house.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Gary Strikes' 


	7. Gary Strikes

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Gary Strikes'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
After all the girls and Brock left, Gary had to clean up the entire house. While vacuuming under the couch cushions, Gary found a magnificent, extraordinary, magical, mystical, pink, object. "Wow!!!!" Gary said, picking it up. "Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I can do great things with this object!!!!" He said. He stuffed it in his pocket. "Gary, dear. Are you still cleaning?" Delia called from the kitchen. "Yes Gramma." Gary said. "Keep your jabooty in the freezer and chill!" Gary started the vacuum again.  
  
"Hee hee hee hee hee." Gary laughed. He clutched his prize and carefully set his trap in the fire pokemon area of his grandpa's backyard. "Yo! Magma butt!" Gary yelled at a Magmar. The Magmar not to far away looked up at him. "Yeah you! Get your fat ass over here! You stupid f***'in ghetto Pokemon!" The Magmar glared and ran over to him. Gary then headed for the hills. The Magmar ran directly into the trap.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" went the whoopee cushion under the Magmar's right foot. All the other Fire Pokemon looked up at the Magmar and wrinkled their noses. Then they ran away. Magmar sweat-dropped. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Gary laughed, from behind a bush. When the Magmar left, Gary got his trap ready again. This time in the Electric Pokemon area. "Hey! Ghetto Pokemon! I need at the Pikapoo's in da house!" Gary said, waving his arms around. All the Pikachu's hurried over to him. "Do you know what?" Gary told the Pokemon. "There's a hidden stash of Pokemon food over in that tree." Gary pointed to a tree nearby. All the Pikachu's ran up the tree. The one that got their first stepped on the trap.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" went the whoopee cushion. The rest of the Pikachu's fell out of the tree in shock. Gary gathered the whoopee cushion and ran to the next exhibit.  
  
"Professor, the pokemon seem to be having a gas problem." Tracy said, happier than usual. "They're farting all over the backyard." "Must be the food. Try putting some 'Gas-X' in their food." Professor Oak said. "Sure thing." Tracy went out to but the 'Gas-X' in the pokemon food.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!! !" "Aw! Man, Tracy! Don't pass your ghetto gas so close to the Fire Pokemon Area or you'll blow them all up." Gary said, walking towards him. "But it wasn't me!!!!" Tracy whined. "Sure, sure. That's what they all say." "Your friends scare me." Tracy said. "I'm not supposed to talk to you." Backing away from him. "Because one of them did you?" Gary said. "What a lame excuse for a gay ho-bag fat head like you." "Leave me alone." Tracy said. "I thought you liked guys." "Yes." "Why the sudden change? *Gasp* Did you get laid?" Gary said. Tracy was quiet. "I mean by a guy?" "Kinda." Tracy replied. "Yeah. Yeah you did." Gary said. "That is so disgusting. It was Brock wasn't it? He'll do anything to get some." Gary said. Gary leaned down and picked up his whoopee cushion. "Damn. I don't think I should have anymore parties. Sooner or later, me or Brock are going to get some girl's pregnant." "Did somebody say 'pregnant'?" Delia asked, coming out into the backyard to do some gardening. "Uh. Chill out!!!! I was. uh.. Just rappin' some soul lyrics." "That's nice." Delia said. "Gary, come over here. I want to talk to you." 'Oh no!' Gary thought. 'One of my girlfriend's must have called the house!'. "What up, yo?" Gary said, "I'm pregnant with Sam's kid." Gary fainted faster than he had at his party.  
  
***********  
  
Ash and his friend's walked along the road to the next gym in Mahogany town. Pikachu was riding on Ash's head. Vulpix was trotting next to Bobby. "Hey Brock. Is your Dad okay?" Ash asked. "What?" Brock asked. "Is your Dad okay? You left yesterday on the Magnet Train to go and make sure your Dad wasn't going to die of a heart attack." Misty said. "Yeah. He's okay. He just panicked because the twins got stuck in the dryer again." Brock said. He hoped no one figured out that he had snuck to Gary's party. Word travels fast on hentai chat sites. Brock hoped that no one would find out he went to those. "That's good." Bobby said. Suddenly they dropped through a hole hidden in the path. "Prepare for trouble!" "Make it double!" "To protect the world from devastation." "To unite all peoples within our nation." "To denounce the evils of truth and love." "To extend our reach to the stars above." "Jessie!" "James!" "Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light!" "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" "That's right!" "Vul!!!!" Vulpix cooed, seeing Meowth. "Come on toots. Let's get you out of there hon. We can do the dirty again." Meowth said. Jessie and James used a contraption to pull Vulpix out of the hole. Meowth and Vulpix ran off. "Ha ha ha ha!!!" Team Rocket laughed. "Let us out!" Ash yelled. "Not until we get our hump buddie." Jessie said. "Pikachu? Why?" Ash said. "Because Meowth has his own hump buddie." "I want my Vulpix back!" yelled Bobby. "Too bad twerp's. You're not going to get them back." James powered up their contraption once more and drew Pikachu out of the hole. "PIKACHU!!!" Ash yelled. "Ha! We've got Pikachu!!!!!!" James yelled. "Now we can have fun with our new hump buddie!!!" "Let's go to a secluded area." Jessie excitedly suggested. They ran off laughing. "Sorry Misty, I have to do this." Ash took out a Pokeball. "Go Bulba---" Ash began "No Ash! Let me use one of mine so they can help us get out of the hole." Misty said. "Go Staryu! Float into the air and pull us up onto the ground!" Misty yelled. Staryu came out of its Pokeball. It started humping her. "I thought you were a girl!!!!!!!!" Misty said. "Actually Misty, Staryu's have no gender." Brock said. "Anyone who plays Pokemon Gold, Silver, or Crystal knows that." "How come no one ever mentioned us being a Game Boy game before? Ugh!!!!!" Ash yelled in frustration. "I guess we'll have to climb out." Brock said. So the boys climbed out and helped Misty out. Brock shot Staryu with one of their tranquilizers. The star fell off Misty. "Thanks." Misty said, recalling Staryu. "No prob." Brock said. "And for that, I think I deserve a reward." Brock said. "Like what?" Misty said. Brock winked. "Ew!!! No! EW! EWWWW! NO!!!" Misty said. She stalked off. "Come on. We need to find Pikachu and Vulpix." She said. Bobby followed her. Ash glared at Brock. "Don't you dare touch my girl. Heck, who knows? You'll probably end up on the 'Maury' show, like those creeps who go to parties at guys houses. Guys like Gary. And have 30-somes with girls and you'll be the father of half of them." Ash snarled. Brock went white. "Oh yeah?" Brock said. "That'll never happen."  
  
"You mean that Grampa got all that and a bag of chips and a hot dog and a pizza and a slushie and a box of cheesy nachos and a Snickers bar and cotton candy in a plastic bag and." "Enough!" Professor Oak said. "Now, we don't want you to let Ash know." "Why not?" Gary said slyly. "Well, do you think he would like the fact that he would be your step- uncle?" "No. Man, this sucks harder than a blow." "Gary." Professor Oak warned. "Okay, okay. Take a chill pill. I have a date in a couple of hours and need to make myself pimpin'." Gary excused himself and went up to his room.  
  
Ash and his friends kept walking and walking and walking. "Hey look! Let's ask that guy over there if he saw Team Rocket go by." Bobby suggested. "Hello there. Did you happen to see two people with a Pikachu and a Meowth and a Vulpix come by here?" Brock asked. "I seeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!" The kid said. "I am Paul the magnificent Psychic!!!!!!!" "Yeah. Hi. Well, did you see some people with a Pikachu go by here?" "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM." Paul said, mediating. After a couple of minutes, Brock lost his patience. "YO!!!!!! TELL US IF YOU SAW ANYBODY!!!!!!" "Aiya!!!!! I will bend my spoons at you!!!!" Paul whipped out two spoons and held them out like a Kadabra. "I have seen the ones you have been looking for." "You have?" Brock, Misty, Ash, and Bobby asked. "Yes! Beyond the great fields of tall grass, lies a horrible scenic moment. Approach with care." "Yeah.." Ash said. "Okay thanks." Ash and his friends walked through the tall grass nearby. "Come on! Hump me!!!!!!!!!!!" James screamed at Pikachu. Pikachu just turned up his nose. "Hey! You! Give me back my Pokemon!" Ash yelled. Pikachu raced over to Ash. "Awwwwwww! I'll never get some!!!!" James wailed. "Now to find Vulpix." Bobby said. "Vulpix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" They began calling. "Vul!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they heard Vulpix say. Bobby ran towards the source of the voice. "Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!" Bobby cried. "More eggs!!!!!!!" "How many this time?" "Nine." Bobby said. "I'll go ahead and call Kurt." Ash said. "Why don't you just keep Vulpix in her Pokeball?" Misty asked. "Vulpix doesn't like it. Kind of like how Ash's Pikachu doesn't like its Pokeball." "Oh. I guess we'll have to try to keep a better eye out for Meowth." Misty said. "This brings the total of eggs to 16." Brock said, calculating on his fingers. Bobby picked up Vulpix. "No more dirtyness for you." Bobby told her. "If we can help it." Misty added.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Not Quite Sunny-Side Up' 


	8. Not Quite Sunny-Side Up

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Not Quite Sunny-Side Up'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Ash returned with another Technicolor Pokeball.  
  
"Let's hope they don't go at it again, or I'll develop lumbago like Professor Oak with the weight of the Pokeballs in my backpack." He said, catching the eggs in the Pokeball.  
  
Professor Oak hummed a merry tune as he helped Tracy clean up Pokemon shit. "Hey Professor!" Tracy said, lowering his binoculars. "Hey, what? You're supposed to help me clean! It's not that good for my lumbago." "And getting Ash's mom pregnant isn't. I'll help you in a minute. You know I will.." Tracy winked at the Professor. "Ahem. Yes. Now what is it?" "The Pokemon are acting funny." "Funny? How so?" "Well, it's sure making me horny!" Tracy said. "Please!!!!! Don't touch yourself around me!!!!!!!!" Professor Oak whirled around. "I can't help it!!!" Tracy said. "Hand me the binoculars and go in a bush." Professor Oak said. Tracy reluctantly handed the Professor the binoculars and hurried for a closer look and hid in a bush. Professor Oak pulled the sleeves of his lab coat down so he wouldn't have to touch the binoculars with his bare hands. "Hmmmmm. What the." Professor Oak said. He scanned around the entire area. Since Professor Oak and Tracy, mainly Professor Oak, were cleaning the exhibits, they had herded all the pokemon into fenced in areas. And now they were all humping each other. But Pokemon mating season wasn't until the fall. "Stop!!!!! Stop stop stop!!!!!!" Professor Oak said, running to the nearest exhibit, which held Fire Pokemon. A bunch of Growlithes and Arcanine's were trying to do the dirty with a Ninetales. The Pokemon kept on going. "Oh this is a disaster!!!!!" Professor Oak wailed. "I better call the Viridian City Nurse Joy. She should be here pretty soon, since the border of the Pokemon inhabitant area is so close to there.." Professor Oak ran inside the house to get his cell phone.  
  
Nurse Joy came just in time. "Oh dear me!!!" Nurse Joy said. "I don't know what's wrong? The Pokemon everywhere near here are being affected!" "Hmmmmmm.." There were loud noises coming from the Electric Pokemon exhibit. "Oh no!" Professor Oak yelled. Two Electrodes had self-destructed. Suddenly, all was quiet. "They stopped." Nurse Joy said. "It's a good thing too." "I'll keep an eye on them." Professor Oak said. "I need to make sure the Pokemon at the Poke center didn't get out of their confinements and destroy the place." Nurse Joy hurried back. Delia came outside. "Honey? Is everything okay?" She asked. "Well, the Pokemon started to act funny for about 3 minutes, and then they stopped." "Hmmm. Everything looks fine. I don't think we'll have a problem." She hugged his arm. "Where's Tracy? I thought you guys were supposed to be cleaning up the areas." "Well, we were. Until Tracy had a problem." "He did? Is he okay?" Tracy then came up. "Whoooooooo!" He said. "That was sure fun." Professor Oak nearly threw up.  
  
Ash, Brock, Misty, and Bobby were eating lunch at the Pokemon center, while they waited for their Pokemon to be healed so they could get their next Pokemon badge. "I wonder how long it's going to take until we reach Indigo Plateau again." Ash said. "You remember what Professor Oak said. A long time. About 9 months." "I suggest that we stay in Pallet Town for a while so you can train." Brock suggested. "That'll be good." "Okay." Ash said.  
  
Later, Ash was prancing around. "I got a Glacier badge! I got a Glacier badge!" "So did I." Bobby said. Ash stopped his dancing. "It's not a big deal." Bobby said. "What should we do now?" "Why don't we go up to Lake of Rage and camp out there for a couple of days." Misty suggested. "Sounds like fun." Brock agreed. So they planned to leave the next morning. In their room at the Pokemon center, Ash let out his pokemon and put the collars that stopped them from humping people on them. Ash and Bobby took out the Technicolor Pokeballs and took out all the eggs. Ash's Pokemon, Pikachu, and Vulpix curled around them to incubate them "Great Ash. Now we can't even get into the room." Misty said, who was back from the bathroom and couldn't make her way to her bed since there were so many eggs and Pokemon on the floor. "Uhhh." Ash still needed to use the restroom and couldn't exit the room. Bobby and Brock came along. "Maybe it would be better if we kept the eggs in our beds with us. We could incubate them that way." Brock suggested. "Okay." Ash said. He recalled his Pokemon and people were able to come into the room.  
  
  
  
The next day, at Professor Oak's house, Delia was up making breakfast. Professor Oak trudged down in fuzzy slippers. "Hi honey! Did you know that it hailed last night?" Delia asked. "No. Perhaps it was because we were being too loud in bed to hear." "I don't see why we couldn't have heard it. They're the size of eggs!!! And sweetie, how to you want your eggs." "Sunny side up." Professor Oak said. He looked at the hailstone. "What the.. Dear, that's not a hailstone. That's a Pokemon Egg! Where did you find it?" "Outside, with all the other hailstones. Are you sure it's an egg?" Delia gave Professor Oak his plate of waffles. "I'm sure." Professor Oak looked out the sliding glass doors. "Oh my fudge hinky doodles!!!!" He yelled and ran to the door. "Ah! My lumbago!" He said when he had reached there. "Oh dear!" Delia said. The entire backyard was filled with Pokemon eggs of different colors. "Nurse Joy said that nothing was wrong with the Pokemon." Delia said. "Well, I guess what the Pokemon were doing yesterday made all the eggs." Professor Oak said. "Whoa!" Tracy said as he walked in from his bed on the couch. "That's a lot of eggs." Gary said. 'That means more Pokemon to use my whoopee cushion on.' He thought.  
  
Ash woke up early in the morning. Pikachu was still sleeping next to him. Ash lifted the covers off the bed to check on the eggs. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" He screamed. Everyone woke up. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Misty screamed. "What? What?" Brock asked, rubbing his eyes. He too peeked under the covers. "Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!" He cooed. He picked up a baby Vulpix. "How cute." Brock said. "Wow! The eggs hatched!!!!" Bobby said, picking up a Meowth. His Vulpix had woken up and was nuzzling her babies. "Dude!!! They had them like, 2 days ago!" "In Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal, the eggs hatch within hours." Brock said. "That's it!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go out and buy myself a Game Boy and a Pokemon Gold game." Ash said. "They're so cuddly!!!!!" Misty squealed, hugging the baby Pokemon that were in her bed.  
  
Ash stormed over to the nearest toy store and bought a Game Boy and a Pokemon Gold game. As they walked along, Ash was glued to the game. "Dude!!!!! This is so much fun!!!" He said. As they continued on, Ash kept on tripping on an occasional baby Vulpix or Meowth that were trotting along behind Bobby's Vulpix. "Ash! Be careful!!!!!" Misty said. "What?" Ash said, as he moved the controllers. "Ugh.. Never mind." She said.  
  
Gary was talking on the phone while Professor Oak, Delia, and Tracy tried to separate the eggs that had overflowed from the Pokemon exhibits and give them to their rightful mothers. "No, I love you. Noooo, I love you more. Nooooooooo, I love you more. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I love you more." Gary was saying. Tracy came in to get some water. "Oh Gary!!! I knew you loved me!" Tracy said. "Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Gary said, fleeing the room. "Gotta go, babe. I need to plan my revenge." Gary hung up and blew up his whoopee cushion and began his attack.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Gary Strikes Back' 


	9. Gary Strikes Back

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Gary Strikes Back'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Gary casually walked through the house. When no one was looking, he quickly hid it behind a pillow on the couch.  
  
"Yeah!!!!! Come on Marril!" Tracy said, coming down the hall. "Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat is on!" "Marril Mar!!!!" Marril said. Tracy grabbed the remote off of the table and tuned in to PBS. He sat down and leaned back.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! !!!!!!!!" went the whoopee cushion. "MARRIL!!!!" Marril said, falling off the couch. "It wasn't me!!!!!!!!!!" Tracey said. "Marril." Marill stalked off. "But you'll miss 'Sagwa'!!!!" Tracey said. Gary walked in. "Hey Tracey. Whatcha watchin'?" Gary then paused, pretending he smelled something nasty. "Oh god man!!! What did you eat this morning? A bean burrito?" "No. Toast." Tracey said. "Sure." Gary said. As he walked off, he thought to himself. 'Too bad I had that hot pimpin' date last night and couldn't whoopee more people then.' Tracey watched Sagwa and left the room. Gary then gathered his weapon and launched his next attack.  
  
Team Rocket took time off of their non-busy schedule to visit Giovanni. "Hello Boss." James said, timidly. "Yeah, what is it?" Giovanni said, removing the bong hose from his lips. "Uhhh. Well. We did manage to catch Pikachu." Jessie said. "And.." "We lost him." James said. "You what?" Giovanni said. "It wasn't our fault! We were trying to use him as a hump buddie, but he didn't want to, so he got away!" James wailed. "You imbeciles! You were supposed to catch Pikachu for me so he could be MY hump buddie. "We're sorry your grace." Jessie said, bowing. "Forgive!" James said, also bowing. "Welllllll, okay." Giovanni took a long draw on his bong. "Aaaaaaaaaaah." Giovanni sighed. "Where's Meowth?" "I think he stayed in Mahogany Town." Jessie said. "*sssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkk* Why?" "He found a girlfriend and they keep doing the dirty." James said. "I see.. Speaking of doing the dirty, I'm late for a humping appointment with my Persian. You are dismissed." Giovanni said. Jessie fled the room as Giovanni zipped down his zipper. "Come ON James!!!!!" Jessie said, jumping back into the room and grabbing his arm. James made a little noise as Jessie dragged him out of the room.  
  
********************  
  
Ash and his friends hiked up to the Lake of Rage. They had rented a cabin and decided to unpack their belongings and look around. "Now, Pikachu. I want you to help Vulpix baby-sit the baby pokemon." Ash said, detaching a Meowth from the back of his shirt. "Pika Pi!" Pikachu said. "Be good." Ash said. They left the cabin. "Wow. The scenery is really pretty here." Misty said. "That's not the only thing pretty here!!!!" Brock said. "Check out the girls!!!!!!!" Brock zoomed ahead and confronted some girls. "Heeeeyyyy Baby." Brock said. "Like, EW!" The girls said and ran away. "That sucks." Brock said, returning to his friends. "Bad people suck, good people swallow." Ash said. Misty smacked him in the stomach. "Owwww!!!!" He moaned. "Serves you right." Misty said.  
  
Gary acted calmer than ever as he entered the kitchen. Mimie was mopping the floor. Gary carefully set the whoopee cushion down in the bucket. He had tied small rocks to it. "Hey!!! Silent clown thing!!! You missed a spot!" Gary said, pointing to the floor. "MIME!" Mimie said. The Pokemon ran to the bucket and plunged its mop inside of it. "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT" went the whoopee cushion, sending bubbles up to the top of the bucket. "Mimie!!!!!!!" Delia said as she passed by the kitchen. "Shame on you!" "Mime Mr. Mime!!!!!!!!" Mimie said. "Sure. " Gary said. "Whoever denied it, supplied it." Gary grabbed an apple from a basket on the counter and left the kitchen. When Mimie turned around, Gary retrieved his whoopee cushion. He dried it off and took of the weights. "Tee hee hee hee." Gary said. He ran upstairs. Tracy was doing something not nice in the bathroom. Delia was preparing to come up the stairs to gather clothes for the laundry. "Now or never." Gary said. He pressed the whoopee cushion outside the bathroom door. "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!" "Tracy!!!!!!!!! Do you need some 'Gas-X'?" Delia asked, coming to the bathroom door. Gary had darted inside his room and was listening in. He pressed the whoopee cushion again. "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!" "Tracy!!! I'll go get you some 'Gas-X'. Okay?" Delia asked. There was a rustle of pages from the bathroom as Tracy dropped his Abercrombie and Fitch magazine. "It's not me Mrs. Ketchum!!!!" Tracy said. "Then what's with all the poofies?" 'Poofies?' Thought Gary. "You mean the farting?" Tracy asked. "Yes. That. Some 'Gas-X' will stop your poofies." Delia went back downstairs and came back with some Gas-X. While she had been gone, Gary had pressed the whoopee cushion 3 more times. Delia slipped a pill under the door to the bathroom. "Tracy, take the pill." "Okay.." Tracy said. There was the sound of running water. "I took it." He called. "That's a good boy." Delia said. She went to get the laundry. Gary's phone rang. "Hello?" "Hey babe. It's me." Said the girl on the other line. "Oh! Hi toots." "What are you doing?" "Playing pranks." Gary said. "Sounds like fun. Wanna come to Viridian City for Ice Cream?" "Sure. I'll be there in a few." Gary hung up and hopped in his Homie Buster-Mobile and headed to Viridian city.  
  
Gary stopped by the Viridian City Police Station. "Hey Officer Jen!" Gary yelled. "It's Officer JENNY." Officer Jenny said. "That's what I said." Gary said. "Listen, there's been a report of some kids going at it in the forest and it's disrupting the journeys of young Pokemon Trainers." Gary said. "Really?" Officer Jenny said. "I'll call the Viridian Forest land keeper." Officer Jenny went over to the phone. Quickly, Gary set the whoopee cushion on the chair in front of the videophone. "Hello?" said the land keeper. Officer Jenny sat down.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!" went the whoopee cushion. "Oh goodness!!!" Officer Jenny said. She stood up in fright. Gary grabbed the whoopee cushion and ran out. He hopped in his car and drove away. His next stop was the Poke Center. "Nurse Joy!!! How good to see you!!!!" Gary said. "Hello." Nurse Joy said. "Could you heal my balls?" Gary asked. "EXCUSE ME?" Nurse Joy said. "My pokemon!!!! Geez lady, what did you think I said?" Gary said innocently. The Chansey behind the counter gave him a weird look. Gary handed the Pokeballs to the Chansey who handed them to Nurse Joy. When they weren't looking, Gary dropped the whoopee cushion behind the counter. "Chan-" "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!" went the whoopee cushion. "Chansey!!!!!!" Nurse Joy said. "Chansey.." The Chansey apologized. "Chansey, I can't have you stinking up the lobby. Go check on the other Pokemon." Nurse Joy said. After Chansey left and Nurse Joy's back was still turned monitoring the progress of Gary's Pokemon, he snuck behind the counter, blew up the whoopee cushion, and set it near Nurse Joy. Gary zipped back to the front of the counter. "All right. Your pokemon are healed. Have a nice-"  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!" went the whoopee cushion as Nurse Joy stepped on it. Nurse Joy went red. "Thanks!" Gary said. Nurse Joy turned to help a different trainer, who was reluctant to give her his poke balls. Gary snuck back behind the counter once more and grabbed his whoopee cushion.  
  
After Gary had ice cream with his girlfriend, he headed back home. He decided to go to the lab to try to play a whoopee cushion prank on Professor Oak. He paused on the lab stairs. "Oh Samuel!!" Mrs. Ketchum was saying. "Eeeeeeeee. I want your tomatoes!!!!" Professor Oak said "Why don't we go upstairs?" Delia suggested. Gary grinned and ran up to his grandfather's room and placed his whoopee cushion under the covers of the bed. Gary then ran into his room and waited. He heard them come upstairs and their bedroom door slam. "Three.. Two. One!" Gary counted to himself.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!" "Samuel!!!!!! I didn't think you were this bad in bed!" Delia said. "But Delia!!! I'm not! Really!!! I don't know what happened!" "You did a poofie!!!!! That's what!!!" "I still want your tomatoes!!!!!" Professor Oak whined. "Oooookay." Delia said. Gary snickered.  
  
Later, Delia said that they would go to 'Applebee's' for dinner. Ash had called earlier to give her their cabin phone number. After she and Professor Oak had had their fun, she had left a message at the cabin telling them to come to dinner with them. So they waited for Ash to call them back.  
  
"Wow!!! I didn't think that scenic tour would be so long." Misty said, once they got back to their cabin. "I'm ready to eat." Ash said. Brock turned their cabin key in the lock. The door opened. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PIKACHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash screamed. Pikachu looked up and paused in his humping of Bobby's Vulpix. There were already 14 new eggs on the floor, some which were yellow with black electric stripes on them. "Pika!!!!!!!!" Pikachu said. "No! I won't let you finish!!!!!" Ash said. "Get off NOW!!!!!" Pikachu turned up it's nose and finished his job. "EWWWWWWWWW!" Misty had fled to the trees by thee cabin. "I'm sorry, Bobby! I didn't think Pikachu would do that." Ash apologized to Bobby. "That's okay. I didn't think any of us were expecting that. Suddenly a bright flash of light streamed through the cabin windows. "I guess he's done." Brock said. They went inside to find a fried Vulpix and a passed out Pikachu. "I wonder where all the other baby pokemon are." Bobby said. "I know." Misty said. Through the open door that led to the bedroom, they could see shivering, scared, lumps under the blankets that could only be the baby Pokemon. "Someone left a message. Bobby said, laying his Vulpix on the couch. Bobby pressed the machine. "Hi Ash!! It's me, Mommy. I want you and your friends to come to dinner with us!!!! Professor Oak will send some flying Pokemon to get you to Pallet Town on time. Bye dear!!!!" The machine beeped. "Okay. That sounds cool." Ash said. He called Professor Oak. Professor Oak sent them the Pokemon and soon after, Brock, Misty, Ash, and Bobby left for Pallet Town. Ash had put Pikachu in his Pokeball so nothing bad happened. As they were flying along on Pidgeots, Ash asked Brock if he was sure that he remembered to lock the cabin door. "Of course!!!" Brock said. But as they touched down in Pallet Town, Brock remembered. He hadn't.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Explaining the Birds and the Applebee's' 


	10. Explaining the Birds and the Applebee’s

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Explaining the Birds and the Applebee's'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"Hi! Welcome to Applebee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar." "BAR?" Gary said. "Yeah." The hostess said. "How many?" "Uh." Professor Oak turned around and counted. "8." "Right this way." The hostess said and grabbed the menus. "Hey." Gary said. "I thought this was a non-smoking restaurant." Gary said. "Yes, sir. It is." The hostess said. "Well, you ought to take down that 'no smoking' sign because you're smokin'!!!!!!" Gary said. The hostess whirled around and took them to their table. "I thought you had a girlfriend." Professor Oak said. "I still like to look." Gary shrugged. When their orders came, Tracy became fascinated by his pickle slices. "Whoa. Have you ever noticed that pickle seeds look like sperm?" "Tracy!" Professor Oak and Delia said. "Isn't that right Brock?" Tracy nudged Brock. "Yeah. Right." Brock said. "What?" Ash said. "Oooooooooh!" Delia began to cry, attracting some attention in the restaurant. "My baby is growing up!!!" She cried. "Who wants to do the honors?" "The honors of what?" Ash asked. "Explaining the birds and the bees." Delia sobbed into her napkin. Everyone at the table was quiet. "Uh, Mom. I kinda already know about that. Brock talks non-stop about it." Ash said. Delia cried harder. "It's okay Mrs. Ketchum." Tracy said. "I could give Ash an example. And Brock could assist me." "I don't think that would be a good idea." Professor Oak said quickly. "I could help." Misty said, touching Ash's leg. He went red. "Dude!!!!!! Only you would go out with a girl with a ghetto jabooty like that!" Gary said. "Hey! Don't talk about Misty that way!" Ash said.  
  
Late at night, Ash and his friends - minus Brock because he was staying with Tracy for a while- got back to their cabin. "Hey! The door is open!!!" Misty said. "Be quiet! We might be able to catch the burglar!" Bobby said. They crept silently towards the cabin. "Freeze!" Ash yelled and flipped on the light. "NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!" Ash yelled. Pikachu and Ash's other Pokemon had gotten out of their Pokeballs and were doing the dirty, along with some wild Pokemon from around the Lake of Rage and were joining in the fun. "OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash yelled. The wild Pokemon fled the cabin. One entire side of the room was filled with eggs. "Pikachu! You bastard!" Ash yelled in his fury. Pikachu then powered up and shocked Ash. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow." He said, charred bits falling from his hair. The rest of Ash's Pokemon returned to their Poke balls before they could be yelled at too. "Now what?" Ash moaned. "Does this mean that we have to go to the Poke Mart in Mahogany Town and buy Poke balls so we can keep the baby pokemon in them, and then get Kurt to send us more Technicolor Pokeballs?" "I can't think of anything else." Bobby said. Ash moaned and walked over to the couch. "No Ash!" Misty said. "You'll sit on the.. The.. I don't know what kind of Pokemon egg it is, but you'll sit on it and break it." Ash then sat on the floor by the phone. Later, they spent a lot of money on the Pokeballs and Kurt seemed really mad that he had to send Ash MORE Technicolor Pokeballs.  
  
Back in Pallet Town, all the Pokemon eggs had hatched. Tracy hadn't done a good job giving the correct eggs to the correct Pokemon mothers, because there was an Oddish in the Rock Pokemon Area. So now some Onix thinks it's her son. And a Pidgey ended up in the Ground Pokemon Area so now it has a Sandslash for a mom. "Oops." Tracy said, as Professor Oak glared at him. He had bandages all over him, because he tried to take the Pidgey away from the Sandslash and give it to its real mother. There were other incidents like this. There was a Rapidash with a Tauros for a baby, a Raichu with a Growlithe, and the biggest case of all, was a Nidoqueen with a Vulpix, a Bulbasaur, and a Shelder for kids. "Tracy.." Professor Oak said in a menacing voice. "Well would you look at that!" Tracy said sarcastically. "An Onix had an Oddish! Heh heh!!" Tracy ran off.  
  
Back at Lake of Rage, Ash was in a rage. He had to sleep on the couch because Brock insisted on incubating more of the eggs in the bed that would be his. He woke up when Misty started kissing him. "Oh yeah. Misty!!!" Ash said. He opened his eyes. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. A baby Lickitung was licking his face. "Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ash said. "I guess I forgot that there are wild Lickitung around here. "Licki!" The Pokemon said and jumped up on him and started nuzzling his face. "Ew! That is WRONG!" Ash said. Misty came out into the main room with a bunch of Bellsprout's in her arms. "I think someone likes you!" Misty said, seeing Ash holding the Pokemon in front of him like a bomb. "It started licking my face!" Ash whined. "At least it didn't start licking lower." Misty said. Ash went red. She set the Bellsprout's on the floor. "Now, which one do I want.." She said. "What? You're keeping one?" Ash said. "Well, we can't keep all of them. We're going to give them to trainers. But I want a grass type Pokemon so I can train my water Pokemon to be strong against them." "Then I want a Pokemon too." Ash said. "Brock got dibs on a Vulpix. Bobby's keeping a Mareep. So you can have either a Bellsprout, a Poliwag, or a Lickitung." Misty said, picking out the most cutest Bellsprout and putting it in a Pokeball. "I already have enough water and grass Pokemon." Ash said. "Licki! Licki! Licki! Licki!" The Lickitung said, wiggling out of Ash's grasp. It began to jump excitedly on Ash's groin. "Ooooooooooooow!" Ash said, clutching between his legs, sending the Pokemon toppling off the couch. The Lickitung began to cry. "No! No! Don't cry!" Ash said, quickly picking up the Pokemon. It stopped crying. "Okay fine. I'll keep you." Ash said. The Lickitung immediately hugged something personal of Ash's. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Let go of that 'thing'!!!!!!!" Ash said. "I think it's a girl." Misty said. "How did you ever guess?" Ash said sarcastically. "Hey, if it was me---" Misty broke off as Brock entered the room. "Misty, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed some of your hair ribbons and fancied up my new Vulpix." Brock said, holding out his Vulpix. "Vul!" went the Vulpix. "Okay." Misty said, thinking that blue wasn't the Vulpix's color. Bobby came out of the room. "I got most of the Pokemon in the Pokeballs." Bobby said. Misty went in the kitchen and got the other 2 Bellsprout's which had made their way into the sink. "Here you go. That's the last of them." "Hey Buddy, can you get me a Pokeball so my Lickitung will stop hugging my balls?" Ash said, pain in his voice. "Okay." Bobby hurried and got Ash a Pokeball. "Now where should we go to help give these Pokemon a home?" "How about we go back into Mahogany town?" Brock suggested. So they went and set up a booth.  
  
"Look!" James said. "It's the twerps!" "Must.. Have. Sex!" Meowth said, straining against the cage Jessie was holding. "No more for you!" Jessie said. "I wonder what they're doing?" A couple of kids were talking to them.  
  
"Wow! Pichu's!!! Really?" One kid was saying. "Yeah. We had a little accident last night." Ash said. "How so?" asked another kid. "My Pikachu got friendly with another Pokemon." "Oh. Okay. How much?" The kid asked, holding the Pokeball. "I don't know. We haven't thought of a price." Bobby said. "Hey, is this a hoax?" "No! You can check!" So the kid opened the Pokeball. "Pichu!" cried the thing. "Okay. Sorry." The kid said. He put the Pokemon back in it's ball. "That'll be 100 yen. That's the price of a Pokeball." Brock said. "Fair enough." The kid paid up and walked away with his new Pokemon.  
  
"What? They're giving away Pokemon?" Jessie said. "Must.. Do. The dirty.." Meowth said, drooling and clutching himself. "Hey! This is a good way to get to the top of Boss's list of favorites!!!" James said. "I'll dress up in many disguises and buy some Pokemon!" "Do we have enough money?" Jessie asked. "Hey. I have some." James said. "How? We're always just about broke." "Uh. I went to a bar and did a stripe tease." James admitted. "Oh." Jessie said edging away from James. James launched into his plan. "Hello there children!" he said dressed like a grandma. "Are you selling Pokemon? My dear granddaughter is interested some." "Hello Ma'am." Misty said. "We have Bellsprouts, Vulpix's, Pichu's, Mareep's, and Lickitung's." "I'll have 2 of each. I can give them to the poor children at the orphanage." "Okay ma'am." James paid them and hurried away. He came back 3 more times as a fancy lady, an attempted FBI agent, and a Wal-Mart employee.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha!" James said, running back to Jessie and stripping off his blue vest with the yellow smiley face on it. "Let's go to the boss!" Jessie said. "Yay! We'll get a promotion!" James said. "Isn't that great Meowth?" But Meowth was too busy doing something not nice to relieve his missed chance of doing the dirty with Bobby's Vulpix.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Happy Hump-Day to you.' 


	11. Happy Hump-Day to you…

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Happy Hump-Day to you.'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"Guess what day it is!!!!!!!" Delia said, prancing in the kitchen. "What?" Professor Oak said. "It's Tracy's birthday!!!!!!! We have to have a surprise party for him" Delia said. She whipped out a piece of paper. "Now, Sam will go shopping with me, while Gary goes and gets the party supplies." She said. "I ain't doin' nothing, ho." Gary said. "YOU WILL DO IT!!!!!!!!" Delia yelled. "With who?" "I mean that you'll go shopping!!!!!!" Delia said. "Now get in the car!" They left as soon as possible. Tracy woke up and came downstairs. "I'm in the mood for cereal." He said. "I wonder where everyone is."  
  
"La la la!!!!!!!!" sang Delia as she pushed the cart down the aisle of the supermarket. "We'll need cake mix, and icing, and candles, and streamers, and balloons, and cups and plates, and party hats, and party favors!!!! Now what should we use for party favors?" "These!" Gary said, running back from the hygiene aisle. He held up a box of condoms. "Okay." Delia said, and added them to the cart. Gary came back with tons of chips and a case of beer. They walked up to the register. "Is someone having a party?" Asked the register man, like they always do if you're buying party items. "Yes. It's a surprise party." Delia said, rummaging in their purse. "What a nice family. Throwing surprise parties." "Family?" Gary said. "Dude, that's my gramps, and that's my rival's mom!!!! And she's pregnant with HIS kid!!" Other people in the line stared. The man went red in embarrassment and gave Delia her change. "Thank you!!!!!!" Delia said. They left the store.  
  
"Hello?" Tracy said, wandering around the house. "Is anyone here?" "Guess not." He said shrugging. "Score!!!!!!" he said and ran to get his stash of porn vids.  
  
"Now, when you go in the house Gary, take Tracy somewhere for a couple of hours so we can get things ready for the party." Delia told Gary as they got out of the van.  
  
Meanwhile inside, Tracy was playing dress up and was making himself pretty with Delia's make-up. "I feel pretty. I feel pretty. And wity. And gay." Tracy sang. He danced downstairs and into the kitchen. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! ROBBER!!!!!!!" Delia screamed. She grabbed her purse off the counter and began to beat Tracy. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! PROSTITUTE!!!!!!!" Gary said. "Wait! It's me!!!!!!" Tracy said. "Oh! I'm so sorry dear!!!!!!" Delia said. "It's okay. Do you know what day it is?" He said to everyone in the kitchen. "Uh. Gary? Why don't you take Tracy to Chuck E. Cheeses?" Professor Oak suggested. "Hell no! I ain't taken him anywhere when he's dressed like that." "You can take me to a street corner." Tracy said, nudging Gary. "Get your elbows off of me, fat ass hoar." Gary said. "Gary!" Delia said. "Why don't you take Tracy to.. To. Well, take him somewhere." "I said, I ain't taken no slut anywhere, yo." Gary said. "Tracy." Professor Oak said. "Why don't you change and Gary will take you out for ice cream." "Really? Like a date?" Tracy said, already stripping off his red pumps. "Uh.. Just go change." Professor Oak said.  
  
Jessie and James traveled back to Team Rocket Headquarters. "Boss! Boss! We have Pokemon for you!" Jessie said. She dumped the Pokeballs next to his velvet plush sitting cushion by his bong. "Well done." Giovanni said. "I can train these baby Pokemon to be good hump buddies and sell them for lots of money." He walked over to his bong. "As a reward, you may have a smoke with me." Giovanni said. "We don't do drugs." James said. "Really?" Giovanni said. "Then what would you like as a reward?" "A hump buddie." James said. "Meowth does not cooperate with us." "Of course he doesn't. You never really captured him." Giovanni sucked on his bong. "What type of hump buddie would you like?" "Uhhhhhhhh." James said, looking at Jessie, who was holding Meowth in his cage. "I want a Mewtwo hump buddie!" James declared. "A Mewtwo hump buddie?" Giovanni said. "I'll try to get my scientists to create another one. Now, go and get me some more Pokemon." Jessie and James left.  
  
Ash and his friends went back to the Lake of Rage and decided to go for a swim. "Yay!" Misty said. She immediately locked the boys out of the bathroom and changed into her bathing suit and ran out of the cabin with her Pokemon. "Wow..." Ash said, drooling. "Hey. Don't flood the cabin." Brock said. So they all went out and had fun playing in the water. "Dude!!!!! Give me back my shorts!!!!!" Ash yelled at his new Lickitung, who had rid Ash of his swimming trunks and was running up on land with them. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!" Everyone laughed. "Give those back!!!!!" Misty, Bobby, and Brock ran out of the water and recalled their Pokemon. "This isn't funny! Someone get my shorts!!!!!" His friends fled into the cabin and locked the door. Misty waved his shorts out the window. "Come and get them!!!!" Misty yelled. She closed the window and locked it too. Ash looked around, making sure that no one was around, and ran out of the lake. "Come on guys!!!!! Let me in!!!!!!!!" He yelled, banging his fists on the door. A speedboat came down the lake. A tour lady was talking on a microphone, which echoed across the lake. "The Lake of Rage is said to be the home to a rare Red Gyarados. And to your right is. Oh my!" The tour lady said. "Oooooooooh. Natives!!!!!!!" said an old lady on the tour. Everyone turned to the right side of the boat and began taking pictures of Ash in his birthday suit. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Ash screamed and ran into the trees. "How very native!" said an old man. "Well, and to your left you can see the Lake of Rage's founder's house." After the tour boat left, Misty and the others let Ash in and gave him his shorts.  
  
Gary returned later with Tracy. Everything was ready for his surprise party. "NEVER try to feed me ice cream again, ho bag." Gary said to Tracy as they came in the front door. "SURPRISE!!!!!!" Delia screamed. "Wow! A surprise birthday party for me?" Tracy said. "Come into the kitchen so we can sing to you and you can eat your cake! Then we can watch movies and have chips and dip!" Delia said, pushing Tracy into the kitchen. It was decorated with balloons and streamers. Everyone sang Happy Birthday, including Tracy's Pokemon. Gary barely moved his mouth when he sang. "Thanks so much!" Tracy said. "Blow out the candles!" Professor Oak said. Tracy blew out the candles. "What did you wish for?" Delia asked. "I can't tell you, or it won't come true." Tracy said. "But if it does, I'm gonna like it A LOT!!!!!!!!!!" he winked at Gary. "Oh gross. Just for that, I'm gonna go out and screw my girlfriend so you'll get the point I'll never do anything with you." Gary ran to the phone. "Do you want to open your presents?" Delia asked. "Sure." So Tracy opened his presents. "Wow! A male blow up blow job doll!" Tracy said. "How did that get there?" Delia said, looking at the pile of presents. "We put it there!" said a voice behind the couch. "Who's there?" Professor Oak said. "It is I! Ashley!" A boy jumped out from behind the couch. "And Stacy!!!!!!" Another boy jumped out from behind the couch. "And we are." "The amazing.." "GAY CULT CLUB!" Stacy and Ashley said together.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Tracy and the Gay Cult Club' 


	12. Tracy and the Gay Cult Club

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Tracy and the Gay Cult Club'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"The what?" Professor Oak asked. "The Gay Cult Club! We are gay and proud!" Ashley said. "I'm proud to be gay." Stacy said. "I want to be proud, too!" Tracy said. "Good. We have had our eye on you." Stacy said. "We need another player for the annual 'Gay and Lesbian Baseball Game'!" "Wow! I love baseball!!!!!" Tracy said. He turned to Professor Oak. "PPPPPPPLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE? Can I join?" Tracy asked the Professor and Delia. "Sure, dear. If it's what you want." Delia said. "Yay!!!!!!!! Group hug!" Ashley yelled. The three boys embraced. Professor Oak shook his head.  
  
The next day was the 'Gay and Lesbian Baseball Game'. Professor Oak and Delia sat on the metal bleachers. Delia had a cooler full of juice and sandwiches. "Gary! Come sit by us!" Delia said. Gary was sitting far away on the other side of the bench. "Okay. Fine." Gary slid down.  
  
Meanwhile, Tracy, Ashley, and Stacy were singing their version of 'Take me out to the ball game'. "Take.. me out to the BALL game." "Take me out to the CROWD!" "Give me a p**** and please touch my Jack." "So it's root, root, root, for the HO team." "If they don't win it's a shame!!!!!" "Cuz it's 1! 2! 3 pimps you're out at the ol' BALL game!!!!!"  
  
"That was so embarrassing." Gary said. "Cheer up. Baseball games are supposed to be fun." Delia told him. "Yeah. This one isn't. All the hot girls only like girls and not boys. So I don't have a chance." "It's starting!" Professor Oak said. The girls were up to bat first. "Swing! Batta, batta!" Stacy called, holding his hands like he was holding a bat, but very down low. The girl missed and flipped him off. Tracy and his friends broke into a chant. "Strawberry shortcake, banana split. We think your team hits like shit." They sang. Then they mooned the girls. "Oh my!" Delia said. The girls flew out of the dugout and attacked the boys. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" the Gays and the Lesbians screamed together. Fists flew, clothes ripped, teeth gnashed, and blood spilled. "We need a medic!!!!" Professor Oak yelled. The Umpire, who had boobs and a guy's best friend called the hospital on the cell phone.  
  
Back at the Lake of Rage, Ash and his friends were having a barbeque before they left for the next town. "Cyndaquil! Ember attack!" Ash said. Cyndaquil started the grill. "Let's flip some patties!!!!!!!" Brock said. He dumped the burgers on the grill and they began to make dinner. When dinner was ready, they all sat down. "Hey man. How long has this story been going?" Ash asked. "A month and a couple of days." Brock said. "Let's add in a new character." Misty said. *Poof!* Suddenly I (the author of this story along with my good friends) made Nicki appear. "Wow!!!!!!!" Brock said. "Good creating, authors." Brock said. "She isn't for you." Misty said. "How do you know?" "I don't know. The author just made me say it." "Then is she just THERE? Like Bobby?" the authors made Ash say. "I guess." Bobby said. He began to cry. "I have no purpose!!!" He wailed. "The authors will give you a purpose later on in the story." Nicki said. "Yay!" Bobby said. "Well, If I don't get her, who does?" Brock said, crossing his arms. "Me." Bobby said. "That's no fair!" Brock yells at the authors. "I have girlfriend!!!!! Whoo hoo!!!!!" Bobby said dancing around. "Of course. The authors can't let the hot guy go girlfriendless for the entire story." Nicki said, holding Bobby's hand. Bobby went red. "I'm hot?" He asked. "The authors have lots of Pokemon fan art and stuff. So you get to be hot." Nicki said. "Why can't I be hot? I'm the Brockster!!!!!!" "Well, open your eyes." "They're glued shut. Sorry." Brock said. "Really?" Misty said. "Well, if they authors say that they are. They are." Ash shrugged. "I mean, hey, if you had a hot dog, a pop, popcorn, and cotton candy, you would think that would be the most logic thing in this entire story." "How so?" Bobby asked as he paused from his making out with his new girlfriend. "Well... uh.. Authors?"  
  
Thank you. Brock has never had eyes. Lots of Anime characters don't have eyes. Howdy from Hamtaro has no eyes. His were also glued shut. Well, to tell the truth, there is no reason why Brock and Howdy can't have eyes. Maybe they were such pretty eyes, the anime directors didn't want to draw too much attention to them since they weren't the main characters. So they glued their eyes shut.  
  
"Wow." Ash, Brock, Misty, Bobby and Nicki said. "Yo. What Pokemon do you have?" Ash asked Nicki. "Why are you even asking?" "Because we have to talk a lot so we fill up the required amount of pages the author desires." Ash replied. "Okay.. Uh... *Pokeballs magically appear* I have.. A Jigglypuff, a Shelder, A Butterfree, a Diglett, a Jynx, and a Girafarig." "Cool, a Jynx." Ash said. "No! You'll jinx it!" Nicki screamed, shielding her Pokeballs. "Why?" Misty asked. "Do you want to have more baby Pokemon problems?" Nicki asked. Just then, Ash's Lickitung burst out of it's Pokeball and headed for his balls. "Return!!!!!" Ash frantically yelled. "See?" Nicki said. "Okay fine." "Hey, do you guys smell smoke?" Bobby asked. "The hamburgers!!!!!!!" Brock yelled.  
  
Professor Oak grumbled. He was being kicked out of his house again because Tracy had invited Stacy and Ashley to sleep over. Gary was going to his girlfriend Laura's house. "Hey I'm detecting a certain similarity in names." Gary said.  
  
Uhhhhhh..  
  
"Yeah. That's right. Nicki is like Nicole, and Laura is like you!"  
  
Hey. I'm good looking.  
  
"Suits me!!!!" Gary said.  
  
Can we get back to the story?  
  
"If you stop skipping lines."  
  
They had dinner. Tracy and his new friends kept on giggling. "At our next meeting of the Gay Cult Club, we're going to go to.." Ashley broke into a fit of giggles. "The MALL!!!!!!!!!" Tracy and Stacy squealed in delight. "There is this rad shirt at 'Look! It fits!' and it's on sale this weekend at their weekend sale event!" Ashley said. "That is like, so cool! Oooooh, my gosh!" Tracy said, running a hand through his hair. "I thought they were gay." Professor Oak whispered to Delia. "That's what they do." Delia whispered back. She turned to the boys. "I can drive!" she volunteered. "Like, Ooooh, my gosh! This is soooooo great! And then we can get our nails done, and our hair done, and then we can get our pictures taken in that cute little photo/sticker book, and place them in our rooms, so we'll always remember each other. "I want you to remember my member." Tracy said. The boys giggled. "May we be excused?" Tracy asked. Delia weakly smiled. They ran off. "I think we should finish dinner at your house." Professor Oak said, picking up his dish and silverware. They headed out of the house.  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The one eyed, one horned, flying purple gassy thingy' 


	13. The one eyed, one horned, flying purple ...

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The one eyed, one horned, flying purple gassy thingy'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"Like, oh my gosh!!! This perfume smells like, sooooooooo good!" Tracy said. Ashley and Stacy rushed over to Tracy and bombarded themselves with perfume.  
  
"You're like, sooooooooo right." Stacy said. They all held hands and walked down to 'Victoria's Secret'. "Ashley, do you think that this thong will fit?" Stacy asked, holding up a G string. "Like, it's SO you." Ashley said. "I SO agree." The giggled and ran to the counter and paid for their new thongs.  
  
Delia followed them around the mall. The boys took pictures in the mall photo booth. Delia had to hold their clothes. Lots of people gave her weird looks, but she just smiled. "Now, we can get our hair and nails done." Tracy said. While the boys were pampered by the male hair stylist, Delia bought some new baby clothes. "Now." Stacy giggled. "We can.. Go play!!!!!!!" The boys squealed and ran to the van, holding hands.  
  
We now turn back to Ash and his friends. "Hey!!!!! You forgot to mention that another whole month has gone by!" Ash yells at the author. "Yeah! This story has to get moving some time!!!" Misty agreed.  
  
*Ahem* We now join Ash and his friends, who have reached Blackthorn city over time.  
  
"That's better." Brock says. "That stupid Gym Leader lady won't give me my badge!" Ash yelled, turning off his Game Boy and throwing it on his bed at the Pokemon center. "Maybe the Gym Leader will be different in real life." Bobby said. "Yeah, who knows? You can strategize more easily in real life than in games." Nicki pointed out. "I won't go to the Blackthorn City Gym until I beat her in the game!!!!!" Ash screamed. "No, Ash. We've been stuck in this town for more than week." Misty said, pulling Ash off the floor. "Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" Ash wailed, clawing the floor. "I'll *whisper whisper whisper*" Misty whispered in his ear. "Really? Okay!!!!" Ash said. He zoomed out of the Pokemon center.  
  
Ash flung open the doors of the Blackthorn City Gym, where Clair the leader and Lance the Pokemon League Champion were making out. "I want to challenge the Gym Leader!!!!" Ash yelled, pointing his finger at Clair. "Not now kid, can't you see I'm busy?" Clair said. "Oh yeah, Lance!!!!!" Clair said. "Give us some privacy." Lance said, glaring at Ash. "But I want a badge..." Ash pouted. "I want to join in!!!!!!" Brock said. "Get your own Gym Leader!!!!" Lance snapped. "Okay!!!! See you guys! I'm going to Celadon City." Brock raced out of the gym. "Oh great." Bobby said. "Now what?" "WE can always make out.." Nicki suggested. Bobby and Nicki raced out of the gym, laughing. "Misty.." Ash said, in a sly voice. "Fine." Misty said. They too left the gym. Suddenly, Lance and Clair stopped making out. "Phew!!! What a relief that they left!!!!" Lance said. He whipped off his cape. And he was really James, from Team Rocket!!!! Clair ripped off her cape and became Jessie from Team Rocket. "That was a smart idea, tying up the Gym Leader and pretending to be her and her little Elite Sex Toy." James said. "I liked the making out part best." Jessie said. James looked at Jessie. They began making out again, this time, not for pretend. Jessie and James pokemon came out of their Pokeballs and gave their owners weird looks. "Weezing!!!!" said James' Weezing. "Wait!!!! Where are you going?" Meowth said to the purple gassy thing. "Weezing!!!!!!" It said again and crashed through the windows of the gym.  
  
Back in Viridian City, Giovanni was smoking on his bong again, singing between smokes. "Puff. the magic Dragonite. Lives by the sea.. He likes to smoke his weed.. Just like you and me..." Just then, Weezing broke into his office. "Ah! Weezing!!!!! I'm glad you remembered my drugs." Weezing had a bag clamped in it's teeth. "Good, my little drug dealing Pokemon. Now, go back to James, before anybody suspects something." Giovanni ripped open the bag and poured the contents into his bong. "Puff... the magic Dragonite.. Lives by the sea.. He likes to smoke his weed.. Just like you and me..."  
  
High off the bong fumes, Weezing stumbled along his way back to Blackthorn City. "Look! It's a bird!" said a trainer. "It's a plane!!!" said another. "It's a one eyed, one horned, flying purple gassy thing!!!" yelled a man fishing. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" people screamed. Weezing was losing altitude and began bouncing off of people's heads. 20 minutes and a thousand bruises later, Weezing made his way back to Blackthorn city, where Jessie and James were just finishing up. "Should we untie the Gym Leader now?" Jessie asked, pulling up her skirt. "I guess so. Then we can try to steal Pikachu again." James said. Victrebell untied the Gym Leader and then hopped away after Jessie and James.  
  
********************  
  
Let's skip another month!!!!!!!! And a half!!!!!!!!! Ash is finally coming home to Pallet town with all his friends so they can train for the Johto League. "Ash is coming home! Ash is coming home!!!!" Delia sang. She kissed Professor Oak. She hugged Gary and Tracy. Tracy screamed and ran away crying. "Do I look too fat?" Delia suddenly asked, looking down at her belly with Professor Oak's child growing inside. "No. He'll never notice." Professor Oak said sarcastically. "Good. Now hand me those Twinkies." "It's the last box." Professor Oak told her. "Go out and buy more. I need my Twinkies!!!!! And get some pickles and vanilla ice cream!!!!!" "Women and their cravings.." Professor Oak muttered. Mimie had finished cleaning the house. "Um. Darling." Professor Oak said, grabbing the car keys. "Where are Ash and his friends going to stay? We had to change the guest room into the baby's room, and Tracy already sleeps on the couch." "They can stay next door." Delia said, sitting on the couch and picking up her knitting needles. "Remember Gramps, May is gonna be chillin' in da frat house, yo." Gary said. "Of course. She can stay next door, too." Delia said. "But there aren't enough rooms at your old house!" replied Professor Oak. "Don't be silly, Samuel." Delia said, waving her knitting sticks violently in the air. Ash and Misty and Bobby and Nicki can stay in Ash's room. And Brock and May can stay in my room. Simple enough." "Don't you think.. Well.. Wouldn't they..." "They better not!" Delia said. "Now get me my TWINKIES!!!!!!" screamed Delia. Professor Oak cringed. "Women and their mood swings." He muttered again. He got in the van.  
  
Professor Oak wasn't back yet when Ash and his friends arrived. "Ash!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tracy screamed. He hugged Ash and attempted to kiss him. "Ew!!!!!!!!! Back off!!!!!!!" Ash screamed, kneeing Tracy in the groin. "Ow!!!!! Ash!!!!! How could you?" Tracy moaned, clutching between his thighs. "You don't kiss guys who aren't gay like you." Ash said, holding Misty's hand. "Brock?" Tracy asked, tears in his eyes. "Hey. You're the one that jumped me. The last time I stayed over was only to let you know that I didn't like you like that." Brock said, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring at the ground with his glued shut eyes. Tracy's bottom lip trembled. "That's it!!!!! I'm going to kill myself!!!!!! Then I'm going to kill you guys!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Tracy wailed. "No!!!! Don't do that!!!!!!! Here, Jynx will give you a sex show." Nicki said, opening her Pokeball. "Really?" Tracy asked. "Yeah, as long as you don't kill yourself." "I won't." Tracy said, wiping his eyes. He and the Jynx went into the backyard. "I guess we have to be careful about what we say around him." Bobby said. A red convertible pulled up behind them. "That car is familiar." Ash said. "It's missing something.." Misty said. "Hellooooooooo Dolly!!!!!!!!!!" Brock said, running around to the driver side of the car. "Hi! I'm Brock and you're a fine looking woman." He said, opening the car door for the girl in the car. "Thanks. Is Gary here?" "Yo, yo, yo!!!! It's my home girlie girl and sis May!!!!! What up?" Gary said, pummeling down the stairs leading up to Professor Oak's house. "Hey, Gary." May said. "You're his sister?" Ash said. "I know what's missing! The cheerleaders!!!!!" Misty said. "This was always the car that Gary was in whenever we met him." "Right oh, ye ol' girl with da ghetto jabootie." "I want to touch YOUR jabootie." Brock said, hands in a groping position. "Later." May said, waving a hand in Brock's face. "Really? Whoo hoo!!!! I'm gonna get some!!!!!!" "Yo, Ash, my man. Your mommy-o wants to chill with you and catch up on ol' times." Gary said. So Ash, Misty, Bobby, Nicki, Brock, May, and Gary made their way into Professor Oak's house. Everyone except May, Gary, Nicki, and Bobby's mouth dropped open. "Mom!!!! You're huge!!!!!!!!" Ash said. "Why thank you honey." Delia said. "What.." Ash started. "Oh don't worry. I just ate too many Twinkies. Now where is your father and my Twinkies?" Delia said to her belly. "Uh. Mom? Why are you talking to your stomach?" "My stomach? Ha ha ha ha." Delia said. "Ash, come over here." Delia said. Ash sat down on the couch next to her. "I want you to say 'hi' to your new brother or sister." She said, patting her tummy. Ash's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell off the couch.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The Phone Call from the 'Maury' Show' 


	14. The Phone Call from the ‘Maury’ Show

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Phone Call from the 'Maury' Show'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"Sweetie?" Delia said, patting a damp towel over Ash's forehead. "Are you all right?" Ash slowly opened his eyes. Everyone was standing the couch, staring at him. "Whoa.. I had the weirdest dream.." Ash said, sitting up. "Mom was pregnant!" "But Ash, she is!" Misty said. "Isn't it great?" Ash fainted back on the couch again. "Oh dear. The shock was too much for him." Delia said. Mimie wet the towel again and handed it to Delia. She began patting Ash's forehead again. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Misty asked. She and May were the happiest. Of course, all girls love babies. "No. Not yet. I need to go into the doctors office tomorrow." "Can we come?" Nicki asked. "Sure." Delia said, wetting the towel again. "I can't believe you still had it in you." Brock was telling Professor Oak. "When I'm your age, I still want to be able to do it." Professor Oak cleared his throat. "Well. It surprised me too." "Sure.." Gary said. "You've always wanted to get Mrs. Ketchum pregnant. It's always your New Years resolution." Professor Oak cleared his throat again. "Yes, well.." Bobby looked over at Ash on the couch again. He seemed to be waking up again. "Honey? Don't faint again." Delia said, taking a hold of Ash's shoulders. "Gee mom. You should have told me sooner." Ash said. "Sorry dear. I didn't think we should keep it from you any longer." "We?" Ash said. "Yes. Me and the baby's father." "Who-" Ash began but Delia continued on. "Dear, I have another confession. Professor Oak and I are getting married so we can take care of our baby together." Ash fainted again. "Oh dear, what will we ever do?" Delia said, laying a hand on her tummy. "Well, I know what you can do. I'm starving my arse off so you can get your pregnant jabootie in the kitchen and cook us some grub." Gary said. "Yes. I bet everyone is hungry." Delia went into the kitchen. Everyone kept an eye on Ash in case we woke up. The phone rang. "I'll get it." Said Brock. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Oak household?" said the voice on the other line. "Yes." "This the Manager of the 'Maury' show." Brock went pale. "We want to have everyone involved with the Ketchum/Oak conflict to be on our show." "How do you know?" Brock asked. "A Tracy Sketchit called us." Brock swore inside his head. "We'll be there." He said.  
  
**********************  
  
"Today, on the Maury Show," Said Maury in all his gray haired, blue shirted glory. "Our theme is 'Families Gone Wild'. Let's meet our first guests, the Ketchum and Oak families!! First, we'll bring out the parents. Everyone, let's give a warm welcome to Professor Oak!!!" Professor Oak walked out on set. "Ah! My Lumbago!" He said as he reached the bottom step. "Are you all right?" Maury asked, looking dumber than ever than as an Anime Cartoon. "Yeah. I'm all right." He said. "Come sit down." Maury said. Professor Oak sat down on that pathetic cushioned bench. "Now, Samuel. You've been married once, had one darling son, and two darling grandsons and another son or daughter on the way. Is that correct?" "Yes. I'm also getting married again after my son or daughter is born." "How old are you?" Maury asked. "How old are YOU?" Professor Oak shot back. Maury cleared his throat. "Next question!!! Now how old are your grandchildren?" "May is 19 and Gary is 16." "Are they rowdy teenagers?" "Well.." Professor Oak said. "Now let's bring out Samuel's Grandson, Gary!" Gary ran out onto the stair platform and slid down the banister. "Yo yo!!!!! Maury-o!!! I watch your shows a lot!!!! Especially the ones with the hot chickas!!!" Gary said, shaking Maury's hands. "Good to have you here Gary. Take a seat next to your Grandpa." "Isn't this great, Gramps? We're on national television! I wonder if everyone in Pallet Town is watching." The screen behind Gary and Professor Oak switched to Pallet Town. People were watching the show with their mouths hanging open in surprise. "Duuuuude." Gary said. "So, Gary.. Tell us about yourself." Maury said. "Well. I like girls. A lot. I screw my girlfriend every other weekend, and I like to play pranks." "Okay." Maury said. He sat down on his chair. "PPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" went the chair. "HA HA HA HA HA *snort* HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" Gary laughed. Maury reached down and whipped the whoopee cushion off of the chair. "Now, let's meet May." May came out and all the teenage guys in the audience had their little friends sing 'pop goes the weasel'. "Hi May." Maury said. "Hi." She said, flipping back her hair. "So, May. What do you think about your Grandfather getting married again?" "It's pretty cool. Mrs. Ketchum is really nice." "She has a jabootie the size of Texas." Gary said. "Shut up. She's going to be your Grandmother." "So?" Gary said, crossing his arms. "And remember, that means Ash is going to be your Step-Uncle." "I ain't callin' no 15 year old 'Uncle'." Gary said. "Let's take a commercial break, and we'll bring out the Ketchum family."  
  
*Commercial Break*  
  
Announcer: Coming up, on today's Maury show.  
  
*Dumb person is yelling at her husband* "You never put down the toilet seat!!!! You ***** *****!!! I'm sick and tired of getting stuck in the toilet!!! And you always are too ***** lazy to call the fire department!!!" "Sorry babe" says the husband. He lets out a big belch. "But I'm addicted to beer." "Beer!" Screamed the woman. "I hope you know that I've replaced all your beer with our dogs pee!"  
  
Announcer: Next, on the Maury show..  
  
*Back to the show*  
  
"We're back. Now, before we bring out the Ketchum family, lets review things a little. Professor Oak has two wonderful grandchildren, May and Gary. Gary is 16 and May is 19. Professor Oak is going to be a father again. But not everyone that is dealt with this 'Family Gone Wild', is happy. Let's bring out Professor Oak's fiancé, Delia Ketchum!" Delia came out onto the stage. "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!" She said, waving. The screen behind Gary flashes back to Pallet Town. Everyone falls over at the sight of the pregnant Mrs. Ketchum. "Welcome, Mrs. Ketchum." Maury said, helping her to sit down next to Professor Oak. "So, Delia. How far along are you?" "Just about 3 months." She said. "Do you know the gender?" Maury asked. "No. That secret is revealed in a later chapter." Delia said, smiling. "Riiiiiiiiight." Maury said. "So how old are you?" "Old enough." Delia said. "How come no adult wants to reveal their age?" Maury said, throwing up his hands in disgust. "No adult does!!!!" yelled the camera man. "Shush!" Maury said. He then smiled at the camera. "Well, I guess we should bring out Delia's son, Ash Ketchum! Ash, come on out!" Ash walked out onto the stage and was forced to sit between his Mom and Gary. "Ash, how old are you?" "15." "How old is your mom?" "Don't answer that dear!" Delia told him. "That's confidential information." Ash said, obeying his mom. Maury rolled his eyes. "Are you excited about your new brother or sister?" "It's still sinking in." admitted Ash. "And what do you think about the fact of your mother marrying an older man?" "Well, the Professor is old, but he's still cool. And if he was still able to get my mom pregnant, that gives him bonus points." "I see.." Maury said, thinking that he had to do an update on these people for a later show when they run out of people who want paternity tests done. "Let's continue on." Maury said. "Ash, what do you think about being a Step-Uncle to two teens older than you?" "It's cool. I get to boss them around." "You can't even drive." Gary said. "Uncle's are supposed to drive." "You don't even HAVE a real Uncle." Ash shot back. "You're right.." Gary said, putting on a thinking face. Maury cut in. "Now, will people be kind enough to explain how you've all got this way?" "Well, my wife died." Professor Oak said. "And my husband died." Delia said. "He did? I thought you said he ran off with a whore on the stre-" Ash began. Delia smacked a hand over his mouth. She bent down and hissed in his ear. "He did. Then he got run over by a car while he was doing something wrong on a street corner. A car ran the curb." She said. "Oh." Ash said. Delia smiled at Maury. "Okay. Now, how did YOU two meet and hook up?" Maury said, turning to the professor and Delia. "I was lonely because Ash was away." "And I was lonely because I was stuck in a house 24/7 with a gay assistant." Maury's eyes grew wider by the minute. "And so I went over to the Professor's house. And I thought he could use some help around the house." "And I have lumbago so I needed good 'therapy'." "And once we discovered I was pregnant with the Professor's kid, we decided to get married!" "Okay then!" Maury said. We'll take another commercial break and then we'll meet the friends of the Ketchum and Oak families!! Stay tuned!  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
  
  
'The 'Maury' Show Part 2' 


	15. The ‘Maury’ Show Part 2

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The 'Maury' Show Part 2'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"All right. We've met he Ketchum and Oak families. Now let's meet some of their friends. Let's bring out Ash's girlfriend, Misty! Misty, come on out!" Misty walked down the stairs. "Girlfriend!!!!" shrieked Mrs. Ketchum. "You never told me you had a GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!" Mrs. Ketchum hugged Ash, nearly choking him. "When are you getting married?" she asked. "Mom!!!! We're only 15!!!!!!!!" Ash whined. Misty sat down next to him. "So, Misty. You're 15?" "Yes." "How long have you known the Ketchum and Oak families?" "Ever since I've known Ash." "And what is your opinion on the Professor and Mrs. Ketchum getting married?" "I think it's wonderful." Misty said. "Good, good." Maury said. "Now, let's bring out Brock, the past Gym Leader of Pewter City." "Hey!" Misty yelled. "I was a Gym Leader in Cerulean City!!!" "Yeah. But Brock is older." Maury said, waving his hand. Misty slouched and glared at Maury. Brock came out on stage, wringing his hands. "So Brock, how old are you?" "... Uh... Uh.... 19..." Brock said. "19, eh? Just like May?" "Uh huh.." Brock stared at his feet. "Is something wrong?" Maury asked. "All right!!!!! I admit it!!!!!!! I tried pot in 7th grade!!!!!! And I thought it would be fun to glue my eyes shut with super glue in kindergarten!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Brock sobbed into his hands. "Um.. This isn't the 'Insane People Confess Their Pasts' episode. That's next week." Maury said. "You mean.." "This is the 'Families Gone Wild' episode. We want to know your opinion on the Professor and Mrs. Ketchum getting married and having a baby?" Brock dried his face off with the back of his hand. "It's okay, I guess. Since Ash will be related to Gary and May now, that means that I can have an excuse to spy on May while she undresses for bed." Brock said, rubbing his hands together in a greedy manner. May tapped Brock on the shoulder. "I'm right here and I heard that." She said. "Oops." Brock said. "Let's take a commercial break, shall we?" Maury said as Brock and May toppled backwards off the bench, lips locked.  
  
Announcer: Also today, on the Maury show.  
  
Teenage Boy yelling at his Mom: You never hug me goodnight!!!! Ever since I've been a little kid, you've never hugged me!!!! You must hate me!!!!!!! I knew it!!!!!! And I starve just about everyday at school because you never make me lunches, and we can't afford an alarm clock so I never wake up early enough for school!!!!!!" The Mom: But Dear!!!! I lost my arms after a terrible car crash! The doctor had to amputate them when you were 2!!!!" *The kid continues to cry*  
  
*Commercial ends*  
  
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"We're back!" Maury said. "May and Brock had to be brought backstage. Sorry for the inconvenience." "Can we get on with the show?" Gary said, picking at his nails. "Sure. Now. Why don't we all have you do a group hug for good publicity?" "Now way." Gary said. "I ain't huggin' no ho's." "Ohhhhh!!!! Come here!!!" Delia said, grabbing Gary and hugging him. "Let go, woman!!!!" Gary yelled. "Awwwwww." Maury said. "Now, let's meet our next family. In this family, no male seems to put down the toilet seat, causing tragic fueds."  
  
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Bobby and Nicki met up with Ash, Misty, and Brock backstage. They had watched the show from the audience. "Wow. That was cool." Bobby said. "I never knew how weird families could get." "Me neither." Nicki said. "Let's go home." Ash said.  
  
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Jessie and James were planning their next attempt to steal Pikachu. They had snuck into Pallet Town and watched the Maury show with the twerps and his friends on it, and noticed that Pikachu wasn't there. "Maybe he's inside the Professor's house!" Jessie said. "And that means there are more Pokemon to steal, too!!!" James squealed. "Then we can celebrate with a make out competition!" Jessie said. They raced to the lab. "Hello!!!!!! Anybody home?" James called. No one answered. "No one's home." He said. "Of course, you idiot!!!! They're all away on a TV show!" "Now let's find Pikachu!!!" Jessie said. They ran through the entire house but couldn't find Pikachu anywhere. Or any other Pokemon. "They must have hidden them somewhere!!!" James wailed. "Oh well. Let's go Viridian City and see if the Boss is done with our Mewtwo hump buddie." Jessie and James ran out of the house. "Wait. Where's Meowth?" Jessie said. "Meowth!!!!!!" James yelled. Meowth came out of the lab, crying. "I can't find my lovely Vulpix!!! WAAAAAAAA!" He cried. "We'll find her." Jessie said. "Come on, Jimmy. Let's start our Make Out Competition.  
  
***************  
  
Ash woke up every morning and went out to train with Pikachu. "Come on Pikachu! We have to win the Johto League!!!" "Pika!!!!!" Pikachu said. Ash and Pikachu practiced some fighting movements and battle tactics. Gary spied from his window. "Mu ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!" He laughed. "I think it's time to whip out my wonderous pink object again and play some pranks with some new people!!!" He hopped off his bed and stuck his hand under his bed. "Now where is it?" He said, moving his hand back and forth. Gary peeked under the bed. "Shoes. Dirty socks.. Some of Tracy's porn mags.. Girl's phone numbers.. What?????????? No Whoopee cushion???????????" Gary grabbed his hair. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he wailed. "Must.... Find.... Whoopee cushion...." Gary said, crawling towards the door.  
  
Note: Sorry this is so short. The next chapter will be longer. Thanks for all your reviews.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
  
  
'Gary Loses His Whoopee Cushion' 


	16. Gary Loses His Whoopee Cushion

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Gary Loses His Whoopee Cushion'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
  
  
"I AM INSANE WITH ANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gary yelled, running through the house.  
  
"I AM LOSING MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed, tearing through the kitchen.  
  
"IT'S TIME FOR AN ASS WHOOPIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
*Gary's dialogue curtsey of 'Signs'. The movie with Mel Gibson and the crop circles. I screamed 5 times and was the only person in the theater who screamed, too.*  
  
"Gary! What's the matter?" Ash asked. "I CAN'T FIND MY WHOOPEE CUSHION!!!!!!!!!" Gary said, throwing open drawers and frantically searching their contents. "Oh. You mean that pink thing?" Ash replied. "It's not just 'a pink thing', it's my entire prankster mastermind!!!!!!!" Gary ran out of the room. "I MUST FIND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gary screamed. He tore off the cushion on the couch and found some condom wrappers and crumbs. But no Whoopee Cushion. He ran down into the lab and in his frantic search, actually said: "Grandpa! Grandma! I can't find my Whoopee Cushion!!!!!!!!" Professor Oak and Delia had been kissing. "Gary, I'm a bit busy here." Professor Oak said. "But I can't find it!!!!!!" Gary whined. "I'm nothing without my pranks!!!!!!!!" "I have wonderful news, Gary!" Delia said, laying a hand on her tummy. "You ate my Whoopee cushion and you can poop it out for me?" Gary said. "No, silly!" Delia said. "You get to have 2 step-uncles now!!!" "You mean you're having a boy?" "Of course." Professor Oak said. "Something must be wrong with you." Gary said to his grandpa, forgetting his whoopee cushion for a moment. "You can't make girls. You can only make boys. My dad was your only kid. And now you have another one that's a boy." "Gary!" Professor Oak said. "Sorry. But I NEED MY WHOOPEE CUSHION!!!!!!!" Gary ran out of the lab. He ran next door to where Misty, Brock, and everyone else was staying. They were out of milk over there, so that's why Ash was over at the Professor's house. But now Ash was back over at his old home.  
  
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Brock and May locked themselves in Mrs. Ketchum's room and were very loud. Ash pounded his fist on the kitchen table. "What's wrong Ash?" "The stupid authors are making me jealous of Brock and May." "Why?" "Because one of them has a Pokemon Manga Book and it's the one where you can be Captain Obvious and figure out my Manga crush on May." "Let's burn it." Misty said.  
  
HA!!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT!!!! *says the author*  
  
"Damn." Misty said. There was a loud noise as Brock and May fell off the bed. "Oh great." Ash said, sniffing. "Now the author is making me cry." Gary bursts in the house. "Has anyone, ANYONE!!!!!! Seen my whoopee cushion?" He said. "No." said Bobby. "No." Said Nicki. "Has anyone has seen my Jynx? I think she's still with Tracy and I'm getting worried." "No." said Misty. "No." said Ash. "Fudge hinky doodles!!!!!!" Yelled Brock from upstairs. He flung open the master bedroom's door. "Shiz!!!!" May said. Everyone crowded around the stairs. "I thought you said this was a condom!!!!" May yelled at Brock. "It was under the couch at the Professor's house where all the other condoms are!" Brock yelled back. "You must have taken it by mistake!" May screeched. "Let's just hope nothing happens." "It better not." May said, slamming the door in Brock's face, leaving him in the hallway, clutching a sheet around his waist and Gary's Whoopee cushion in his hand. "My whoopee cushion!!!!!" Gary said. He grabbed it and ran laughing madly out of the house.  
  
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Delia insisted that everyone come over to the lab for dinner. Everyone crowded in the dining room. "Does anyone know where Tracy is?" Professor Oak asked. As if on cue, okay. The authors made it be on cue, Tracy came in through the back door, Nicki's Jynx following him. "There you are!" Nicki said, recalling Jynx. "Where have you been, young man?" Delia said. "Out." Tracy said. Everyone sniffed the air. "Perfume?" Ash said. "Uh..." Tracy said. "You were out with your Gay Club friends, weren't you?" Professor Oak said. "Yeah.." "Sit." Delia said. Tracy sat. "PPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTT!!!!!!" went Gary's whoopee cushion. "I knew that 'Gas-X' was no good!" Delia said. She handed Tracy a bottle. "Here. Try this 'Beano'." Tracy frowned and looked at the bottle. He got up to get a glass of water to take the pill. Gary took the whoopee cushion. "May I be excuse for a moment?" Gary said. "Sure, dear." Delia replied.  
  
Gary runs into the author's basement where she is typing and watching Dexter's Lab. "Lauren!!!!! Gohan is upstairs in the kitchen!!!!!!!!" "Gohan!!!" says the author. "From Dragonball Z? The teenage one?" "Uh huh." Gary says, nodding. The author runs upstairs to the kitchen. Gary snickers. The author comes back. "I guess he left already." the author says and sits back down in the swirly chair. "PPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTT!!!!!" "GARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The author yells.  
  
Gary comes back and sits at the table in the dining room. And with his super sly prankster ability, sneaks the whoopee cushion under Ash.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!" "Ash!!!" Delia says. "Sorry mom." "If you let out another poofie, you'll harm the baby." Delia said. "Did you tell the news yet?" Professor Oak asked. "No. Everyone?" Everyone turned their attention to Delia. "It's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone, except for Ash who fainted, told Delia and Professor Oak congratulations. Misty got up and gave Mrs. Ketchum a hug. When she sat back down, "PPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" "Excuse me." Misty said, blushing.  
  
"May I be excused again?" Gary asked. "Sure." Professor Oak said. Gary left.  
  
Gary appears at whichever hotel the other author and her friend are staying at in Boise, Idaho. "Hey girls!!!" Gary says. "It's Gary!" Nicole screams. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screams Ashli. "Guess what? Chris Exley is downstairs in the lobby." Nicole and Ashli run out of the room. Gary laughs evilly and waits for them to come back. "Maybe he already went to his room." Ashli said. "You're right. Too bad. Maybe we should the front desk and ask for his room number and we can visit him." They sat down on the bed.  
  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! !!!!!!!!!!" "GARY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nicole and Ashli yell.  
  
Gary pops back in this chapter of 'Ah! My Lumbago!'. "I'm back!" Gary says. "That's nice." Delia said. "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTT!!!!" goes the whoopee cushion under Brock. "Excuse me." Brock said. "That is SO nasty." May says, scooting her chair away from him. "I can't believe I just screwed you. You're disgusting." "Sorry." Brock said.  
  
During the next few weeks, other Pallet town neighbors stopped by the lab and gave Delia baby presents. Ash came in the house from training. "Hey Mom!!!! Tomorrow the Flame Race for the Johto League starts!!! Can we go? Can we go?" He begged. "I don't see why not." Misty, Nicki, and Bobby celebrated. "YAY!!!!!!! We get to go to the Flame Race. We get to go to the Flame Race." "Aren't you happy Brock?" asked Ash. "Yeah." "Then why don't you seem happy?" "May's pregnant." He said, then broke down sobbing.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The Olympic Related Flame Race Begins' 


	17. The Olympic Related Flame Race Begins

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Olympic Related Flame Race Begins'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
  
  
"Ooooooooooooooooh. You're gonna get it." Ash said. "Damn straight he is." Gary added, who had walked in just when Brock announced the news. "Well?" Ash said, turning to him mom. "What was that dear? I wasn't paying attention." Everyone fell over. "Mom!!!! Brock got May pregnant." Ash said. "That's nice.. He WHAT????????????????" Delia screamed, dropping a pair of those minuscule sneakers. "Sorry." Brock said. "Sorry? SORRY?" May screamed, coming into the family room. "Is that all that you have to say?" "Uh... I'm proud?" He said, shrugging his shoulders. "That's more like it." May said, kissing him. "Ewwwwwwwww." Misty, Ash, Nicki, and Bobby said. "Hey. It's not like you guys kiss too.." "But you got someone pregnant. Now it's more disgusting." "My mind will be ruined!!" Ash wailed. "Yo, I thought your un-mature mind was already ruined cuz Gramps and your momma got it on." Gary pointed out. "Oh yeah. You're right." Ash said, scratching his head. "Now this means I'll get to be related to Brock." Ash said. "Why?" Brock asked. "You can't go prancing around with a child and not be married!!!" Delia said. "And this is coming from a pregnant woman who isn't married." Gary said. "Well, at least I'm engaged to your grandfather. That counts." "Let's get married now." Brock suggested. Delia's eyes welled up with tears. "How precious! SAMUEL!!!!!! SAMUEL!!!!!!" She called and went to find Professor Oak.  
  
************* Gary, Ash, Bobby, and Tracy were forced into suits and were standing in the Pewter City Gym. "This sucks harder my blow up blow job doll." Tracy said, tugging at his tie. "Shut up, ho." Gary said, stepping on his foot. Misty and the other girls came into the Gym with frilly dresses on. "I can't believe May chose this color." "Hey. It was the only color she liked at the Wedding Rent store." Nicki said, picking at the lace on the dress. "Wow!!!! You look so pretty!!!!" Bobby said to Nicki. "Thanks!" she said, blushing. "Ahem!!!!!!" Misty said, crossing her arms. "You look prettier." Ash said. Misty smiled. "Dude.. There are more guys than girls. How are we supposed to make this thing work?" Gary said. "Uh. Two guys each could escort a girl." Bobby said. "Okay!" The girls said. So Gary and Ash got stuck with Misty and Bobby and Tracy got Nicki. "I don't want to touch her!!!! Girls are evil!!!!!" Tracy said. Gary threw a long yellow plastic glove. If you've watched Dexter's Lab, you know the gloves. The ones his mom wears. "Wear this so you don't get cooties, yo." Gary said. Tracy put on the glove. "I can't believe Brock is getting married." Ash said. "Neither can I." Misty said. "Now what are we going to do?" She asked. "Well, we're sure as hell not taking Tracy along with us again." Ash said. May came running towards them in her wedding dress. "Okay guys! This is it!!!!" she said. Everyone sighed and followed her.  
  
"Do you know what this means?" Brock was saying to his father. "I can't chase after girls anymore!!!!" "It's okay son. You've got a good one. That's all you need." Brock's father said. "Let's go." He said.  
  
The wedding was the stupidest wedding in the entire history of all of Brock's wedding fantasy's. Getting married in his own gym. And the craziest part was the Pokemon being flower girls and ring bearers. Tracy began to cry because Brock wasn't single anymore. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He sobbed. After the wedding was over, everyone slumped in their seats at the reception. Brock's brothers and sisters all crowded around their sister-in-law. "How many are there?" May asked Brock. "9." Brock said. "I don't want that many." She told him. "Sure." Brock said, coming up with devilish plans.  
  
"I hope we didn't miss the Flame Race." Ash said as they hurried down to Viridian City. "We made it!" Misty said. They were in their normal clothes now. "The parade is starting!!!" "Who cares about the parade? I'm going to chill with my girlfriend." Gary left. Music played and floats portraying Pokemon drove by. "Hey!!!! Hey!!!!!!!!!!" Someone called. "Hey Ash!!!!! Is that you?" Ash whirled around. A kid in a sea-green outfit (Okay. That's the best I can describe it.) and eating a piece of cheesecake with strawberry syrup on top ran towards Ash. "Ritchie?" Ash said. "Hey!!!!!!! What's up?" Ritchie said, giving the rest of his cake to his Pikachu, Sparky. "I'm going to the Johto League!" Ash said. "So am I!!! Where's Pikachu?" "Pika!!!!" Pikachu said, coming over to Ash. Pikachu had been with Nicki who had gone to get them drinks from a nearby stand. "Hi Pikachu!!" Ritchie said. Sparky jumped down from Ritchie's shoulder and the two old friends reacquainted. "Where's your other friend? Brock?" Ritchie said, licking the syrup off of his fingers. "He... got married today." Ash said. "He did? Imagine that." Ritchie said. "Hi Ritchie!" Misty said. "Hi Misty! How are you?" "I'm good." Misty said, smiling. "Ritchie, this is Bobby and his girlfriend Nicki." Ash said, introducing Bobby and Nicki to Ritchie. "Are they traveling with you?" "They were, but now that the Pokemon humping problems have stopped, all we're doing now is training for the Johto League." "Humping problem?" "Do you have any girl Pokemon?" Misty asked Ritchie. "No." "Then you don't have it." Ash explained the whole Chikorita/Pikachu/Vulpix deal. "Oooooooooh." Ritchie said. "So.. Are you going in the Johto League too?" Ash asked Ritchie. "Yeah. Maybe we'll battle again!" "Dude.. This is the most pathetic ass crappin' conversation in this entire chapter." Gary said, coming back. "Hi Gary!" Ritchie said. "Man!!!!!!!" Gary yelled at the author. "You and your stupid Manga book!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sorry. Professor Oak and James have hot facial hair in it.  
  
"I ain't got no time to talk about Pokemon Crap with you, yo." Gary said to Ritchie. "Okay. Bye!" Ritchie said as Gary stalked off again. "He must have hated it when you beat him in the author's Manga book." "Yeah. The author is still mad she hasn't found the next book." Ritchie pointed out.  
  
Shut up.  
  
"Sorry." Ritchie said. "Let's get straight to the point." Ritchie said to Ash. "Oh no.." Ash said. "You're not gay are you?" "Gay???????????????" Tracy said, popping into the scene. The community project for this month's Gay Cult Club meeting was to be venders at the Flame Race, so he and Stacy and Ashley were selling Peanuts and Sno- Cones and fizzy drinks. "No!" Ritchie said. "I want to go with Ash and Misty on their next journey!!!" Ritchie said. "Cool!!!!!" Ash said, giving Ritchie a high five like in the Manga book. "You da man!!!!!!" Ritchie said, quoting himself from the Manga book. "No, you da man!!!!!" Ash said, also quoting himself from the Manga book. "Boys.." Misty said, rolling her eyes. "Wait a second.." Misty says, suddenly realizing Togepi has never never never ever been mentioned in this story.. Until now. So Togepi suddenly appears in her arms and cooes: "Togepriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" "That's better." Misty said.  
  
So we ditch our dear friend Bobby and his girlfriend Nicki, who really had no purpose in this story except to just be there, and put Ritchie in the story. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Now let's join them at Ash's old house in Pallet town.  
  
"So, you want to come with us on our next journey?" Ash said. "Yeah. It's boring traveling alone." Ritchie admitted. "I don't even know what the next journey is going to be." Ash replied. "Let's see." Misty said. "We had the regular original Pokemon journey. Then the Indigo League. Then the Orange Islands. Then Pokemon Johto. And we're in Pokemon Johto League Champions. So..." "Maybe it'll be something like we have to go around and catch every pokemon we can so I can fill up my PokeDex like in the Game Boy Game because the Professor Oak in that game is always bugging you to catch more." "We're a Game Boy Game? I just thought we were cartoons and Manga books." Ritchie said. "You can play my game." Ash said. He went upstairs and got it and gave it to him. "Wow.." Ritchie said. Delia came into the house. "Ash! There you are. I want you to go up into the attic and find all of your old baby clothes. We can save money that way by giving your brother hand me downs." "I didn't know you were pregnant Mrs. Ketchum!" Ritchie said. "Hi Ricky." Delia said. "It's Ritchie." Ritchie corrected her. "Right. I'm 6 months along now."  
  
Okay.. So I had to make time go faster...  
  
"That's great, Mrs. Ketchum. Who's the father?" "Professor Oak." Delia said. "Now Ash. Go up to the attic now. Your friends can help you." Delia walked out of the house. Ritchie had fallen over. "Are you okay, man?" "You mean your dad is Professor Oak?" Ritchie said. "No. He ran away with some whore and did girls on street corners and then a car ran the curb and he got hit and died." Ash said. "Oh." Ritchie said, standing up. "I guess we have to do what your mom says." Misty said, setting Togepi on the couch.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The Evil Which They Found In The Attic' 


	18. The Evil Which They Found In The Attic

Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Evil Which They Found In The Attic'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Note: I'm going to Oregon this up-coming Thursday, August 8th. So please stay tuned for more chapters to come after I come back around the 11th. But between now, August 4th, and the 8th, I should try to get more chapters out. Hi Ashli!!!  
  
"AAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Misty sneezed as Ash lifted the hatch that led into the attic. "Bless you." Ritchie said. "Wow. It's so messy! I don't know how we can find anything!" Ash said, waving the dust out of his eyes. "We should look for a box labeled 'Baby Clothes', I guess." Misty suggested. So they rummaged around the attic, occasionally sneezing. "I found it!" Ritchie said. He pulled out a box. Ash and Misty hurried over and the opened it. "Aw.... Look at the tiny Squirtle Overalls.." Misty said, holding up the pair. "You actually wore those?" Ritchie asked Ash. "So?" Ash said, snatching the overalls from Misty. "What's this? A photo album?" Misty said, and flipped it open. Ritchie and Misty began laughing. "What's so funny?" Ash said, scooting over on his knees. "Look!!!! It's a picture of Ash taking a bath!" "And Mrs. Ketchum changing his diaper!!!" "Awwwwwwwwww." They said together. "Give me that!" Ash said, taking the album from them. "This is evil!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!" Ash said. "Aw, I thought it was cute.." Misty said. "That's only because you're my girlfriend and girls like looking at their boyfriends d-" "I think we should get these clothes to your mom." Ritchie quickly said.  
  
**************  
  
"Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you-" "Brock! Stop poking my belly!" May yelled at her new husband. "I'm not sure if the baby can hear you, but it probably can feel you!"  
  
"Sorry, dear." Brock said. Professor Oak and Delia came into the living room. "We need to talk." Professor Oak said, sitting on the couch opposite Brock and May. "Okay. Talk." Brock said. "Where are you guys going to live?" Delia asked. "Uh.. My apartment is too small for 2 people and with a baby on the way." May said. "I had a good idea." Delia said. "You guys can move into our old house. I encouraged the Professor to add another room to the house for Ash. And that leaves my old house free!" "Wow, thanks Mrs.. Future Oak." Brock said. "Of course you'll have to pay a rent." Delia added. Brock and May looked at each other. "Okay." The said together. The front door opened. "Hi!" Misty said. Ash and Ritchie came in with the box of baby clothes. "We found the clothes mom." Ash said. "Good! Now I want you and your friends to bring all our belongings to the lab." "What? Why?" Ash said. "You're moving in with us!!!!" "You. You. You mean I have to live in the same house as Tracy and Gary?" Ash said. "Of course!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Ash yelled. "Isn't this great?" Brock asked May. "We get to live in the house where we- " "I know." May said, interrupting.  
  
**************  
  
Jessie and James were up in a tree, spying on Ash and his friends moving lots of boxes out of the house. "I wonder what they're doing?" James said. "Looks like they're moving." Jessie said. "Why would they want to move?" Meowth said. James moved the binoculars. "I think I know why." James said, handing them to Jessie. "The twerp's mom is pregnant!!!!!" "You know what this means.." James said. "Babies!!!!! Cute itty bitty adorable sweet babies!!!!!" Jessie squealed. "No, loud noisy smelly crying annoying babies." James corrected her. Jessie smacked him with her folded up newspaper. "How can you say that when I'm going to have your kid in a couple of months!!!" Jessie suddenly slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oops." Jessie said. "Do you know what this means?" Meowth said. "A baby!!!!!!!" James said, beginning to cry, hugging Jessie. "A cute itty bitty adorable sweet baby!!!!!!!!!!!" Jessie rolled her eyes. "I'm not really pregnant." Jessie said. "Oops." James said.  
  
******************  
  
"This is going to be my room?" Ash asked, watching the carpenter and his Machoke remodel a room. "Yes." Professor Oak said. "What about Tracy? I don't think my mom wants him sleeping on the couch forever." "We're giving him the old tool shed to turn into a one room apartment." Professor Oak said. "Cool. I guess." "Yo, yo, yo!!!!!!! What up with all this racket goin' on? I can hardly hear my hip hop rappin' music!" Gary said.  
  
Ash's room was finally done. Tracy spent his street corner money on furnishing his shed. May sold her apartment and her and Brock were doing well in their new house. But of course, yet again, time has gone by. So now, everyone is heading to the Johto League!!!!  
  
"Oooooooooooooooooh!!!!!! The blue handicapped tag on the rearview mirror goes back and forth. Back and forth! The blue handicapped tag on the rearview mirror goes back and forth, all through the town!!!" Delia sang. Ash, Misty, Ritchie, Gary, May, and Brock covered their ears. "Nooooooo!!! The horror of childhood songs!!!" Ash yelled. "Must.... Have... Rap.... Yo...." Gary said, clawing the windows. "Hey, why is the back window fogging up?" Professor Oak said, looking in the rearview mirror. "You don't want to know." Misty said, taking one look behind her at Brock and May.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the Johto League registration desk!" Said a pretty lady behind the counter. Brock whined, but May held tight to the back of his shirt. "I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town and I want to sign up!" "Do you have all 8 badges?" "I have all 16, both ways." Ash said, showing his original Pokemon League Badges, the Johto League Badges, and holding up his Game Boy. "I see." The lady scanned the badges. "You're confirmed." She said. "Your first match will be tomorrow in the Rock Arena at 1:00." "Thank you!" Ash said. Ritchie signed up. His first match was at 4:15 in the Ice Arena.  
  
"Yay!!!!!!" Ash said, racing into the Rock Arena. "My first Johto League match!!!!" The cheesy announcer turned on his microphone. "Hello Pokemon fans!!!!!!!!!!! Are you ready for this Pokemon match?" The crowd yells. "Good!!!! Now let's meet our two battler's!!!!!!! We have Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, and S. Perm from Happy town! Let the battle begin!" "Go, Totodile! I choose you!" Ash yelled. "Totototototototototototototototototototototo-dile!!!!!!!!!" Totodile said. "Go, Squirtle!!!!!!!" S. Perm said. A Squirtle appeared on the field with a pink bow tied on its tail. "TOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTO-DILE!!!: Totodile said and began humping the Squirtle. "Noooooooo!!!!!!!!" Ash said. "Oh my!!!!!!" said the cheesy announcer person said. "This match has been postponed on account of Pokemon Nature!" The crowd groaned, and lots of people left the arena. Some stayed. Such as Tracy. "Ooooooooooooh.." Tracy said. "I wish I had brought my blow up blow job doll along."  
  
  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Whose Turn Is It Anyways?' 


	19. Whose Turn Is It Anyways?

Ah! My Lumbago!  
(Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Whose Turn Is It Anyways?'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
  
"Aw man!" Ash said, storming around their rented house. "I can't believe the match was called off because Totodile started humping the opponent!"  
"It's okay, Ash." Ritchie said. "You at least get a re-match."  
"Ritchie's right." Misty said. "If the Pokemon Judges hadn't considered the fact that it wasn't fair what happened..."  
"You're right." Ash said.   
  
So la de da...... Ash wins his re-match. Gary had a match, too.  
"Yo!!!!! Go Pokemon!" Gary said. His Umbreon came out on the field.  
"Go!!" said the opponent. Gary easily defeated his opponent.  
"Man! Gary sure is going to be hard to beat." Ash said to Ritchie as they watched Gary flip off his opponent before leaving the arena.  
  
Back, again, at the rented house, Delia was having a fit.  
"I want my Twinkies!!!!! Where are my Twinkies????? I need my Twinkies!!!!!!!" Mimie was flinging open every cabinet in the kitchen looking for the Twinkies. Mimie ran to the fridge and flung open the door.  
"Hey!" Brock said, doing the dirty with May among the bread, veggies and eggs. "Do you mind?"  
"Mime Mime!!!" Mimie said, shutting the fridge door. Mimie then ran to look upstairs. Mimie ran in the bathroom where Tracy was doing something not nice with his Scyther.  
"Did you come to join in?" Tracy asked Mimie. Mimie shook his head and ran out. Professor Oak came in.  
"I have some Twinkies!" He said.  
"Good!" Delia said, ripping open the box and wolfing them down.   
"Hi Mom!" Ash said, coming in the front door.  
"Hi dear!" Delia said. Now that she had her Twinkies, she was cuddling with Professor Oak on the couch.  
"Phew! I'm all worn out from my match." Gary said.  
"What are you talking about?" Misty said. "You used one attack and won!"  
"Exactly, you ho." Gary said. Misty glared at his back as Gary retreated to the kitchen. He opened the fridge.  
"Yo. Toss me a cold one." Gary said to Brock. Brock handed him a Coke.  
"Thanks Bartender." Gary closed the door on them and popped open the can.  
"He is so dense." Ritchie said. Tracy came down from the bathroom.  
"Don't go in there." He said.  
"We weren't planning to." Ash said. "Can you please pull up your pants?"  
"Why?" Tracy said. "I like them down."  
"Just pull them up!" Misty said, her hands over her eyes.  
"No. I don't take orders from women."  
"Tracy, please pull up your pants." Professor Oak said.  
"Okay." Tracy obeyed.  
"Now that your pants are up, we can go to the hospital." Delia said.  
"What do you mean?" Ash asked.  
"Sounds like your mom is going to have a Twinkie." Gary said, crushing the pop can against his head and tossing it over his shoulder.  
"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Misty said. "Baby time!!!!!" A bottle of milk fell over in the fridge as May and Brock scrambled out.  
  
**************  
  
"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." Professor Oak said, pacing in the waiting room.  
"Be careful, Professor!" Ash said. "Remember your-"  
"Ah! My Lumbago!" Professor Oak said. May helped her grandfather into a seat.  
"Sit down." May said.  
"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh."  
"Whhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Chicks!!!!!!!" Gary said, racing around the lobby.  
"Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! Chicks!!!!!!!" Brock sobbed. Ash and Bobby were playing the Pokemon Trading Card game to pass the time. Misty went to get Pikachu and Togepi apple juices from the cafeteria.  
"This is so cool." Ash said, as he beat Ritchie for the 5th time. "I never knew we were a card game too!" The doctor came out of the delivery room.  
"Would you like to see your son?" He asked Professor Oak.  
"I want to see my brother!" Ash said. He threw his cards in the air.  
"Hey!" Ritchie said.  
"52 pick up!" Ash yelled.  
  
"His name is WHAT?" Ash said.  
"Sam. After his father." Delia said.  
"Why not, Rhododendron or Aspen?" Ash said.  
"Because I'm naming him this time. Your father named you.... After a biker chick he did while I was pregnant with you."  
"Well that sucks." Ash said.  
  
Delia let May share the help of Sam to prepare her for her kid. Ash had fun his new brother.  
"This is a Pikachu." Ash said, holding Pikachu in front of him. Sam gurgled and threw up on Pikachu. Gary on the other hand had other plans for his Step-Uncle.  
"Yo, yo, yo!!! Slap me some skin!" Gary said, extending his hand towards Sam. Sam gurgled and threw up on it. Tracy also had plans for Sam, but Delia wouldn't let him touch him. Delia was taking a nap upstairs and had left Sam in the care of Ash and his friends. Misty was watching TV, Ash and Ritchie were playing Game Boy with a link cable, and Gary was head-banging in the kitchen with his gigantic earphones on. Suddenly...  
"Ew!!!! What's that smell?" Ash said.  
"Sam pooped again." Misty said.  
"Yuck!" Ritchie said, holding his nose.  
"PHHHHHHHEWW!" Gary said, taking off his head phones. "Which one of you three had that stink bug crawl up your ass and die?" The kids pointed to Sam.  
"Someone needs to change him." Misty said.  
"I ain't doin' it." Gary said.  
"I did it last time! And the time before that!" Misty said.  
"I'm not doing it." Ash said.  
"Whose turn is it anyways?" Ritchie asked.  
"It's Gary's turn! He hasn't changed one yet!" Misty yelled, pointing at him.  
"Fine!" Gary said, throwing down his earphones and walking into the living room to retrieve Sam who was lying in his automatic rocker.  
Gary reluctantly changed the diaper.  
"I guess Delia was right, all that whoopee cushion stuff did affect him." Gary said to himself. He shrugged his shoulders.  
"Oh well!" He grinned evilly. Sam gurgled and threw up.  
  
Ash had his next match later that day. Delia brought baby Sam to the match. He gurgled and threw up 5 times. Ash won his match, and on their way back to the house, Team Rocket in their Meowth Balloon dropped down in front of them.  
"Team Rocket!" Ash said.  
"How right you are twerps!" Jessie said. "Give us your Pikachu now!"  
"No!" Ash said. Jessie hit James with her folded up newspaper.  
"I told you the demanding act wouldn't work!"  
"Sorry!" James said, covering his head with his arms.  
"Fine!" Jessie said, as Meowth started the balloon.  
"We'll get your Pikachu sooner or later!" Jessie yelled. "Because we're off to watch the finishing touches being made on our Mewtwo hump buddie, and we'll finally have Pikachu!!!" Team Rocket laughed and they flew off.  
"A Mewtwo hump buddie? That could be disastrous!" Misty said to Ash.  
"You're right." Ash said. "We have to get to Team Rocket Headquarters and stop the construction of that Mewtwo!"  
  
  
Note: Sorry this is short.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'Mission Yo-Possible' 


	20. Mission Yo-Possible

Ah! My Lumbago!  
(Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'Mission Yo-Possible'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
Warning: Uh.... Kind of bad chapter. It's still funny. Please don't trash.  
  
  
"Give it to me baby!"  
"Uh huh, uh huh!"  
"Give it to me baby!"  
"Uh huh, uh huh!"  
"Give it to me baby!"  
"Uh huh, uh huh!"  
"And all the girlies said I was pretty fly for a white guy." Gary said, listening to Brock and May in their bedroom in the rented house.  
"Brock is more tan." Misty pointed out.  
"Shut up, ho." Gary snapped.  
"Come on you guys!" Ritchie said. "We have more important things to worry about."  
"Let's head to Viridian City! Are you coming Gary?" Ash asked Gary.  
"Fine." Gary rolled his eyes and walked out of the house with them.  
  
Donned in black clothing, Ash, Misty, Ritchie, and Gary snuck around Team Rocket Headquarters. *cue Mission Impossible music*  
"Dun, dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. Do do doooooo. Do do dooooooo. Do do. Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun du-"  
"Will you shut up?" Misty hissed to Ash who stopped singing the Mission Impossible theme song.  
"Sorry." Ash whispered back. There was silence, until Gary started rapping... The ABC's.  
"A is for Ass, B is for Booga, C is for Condom, and D is for Dude. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! E is for Eevee, F is for F***, G is for Ghetto, and H is for Ho. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! I is for Insomnia, J is for Jabootie, K is for Kissin'. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! L is for Love, M is for Makin', put 'em together and you get Love Makin'! N is for Naughty, and O is for Orgy. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! P is for Poop, Q is for 'Get out of my face'-"  
"That doesn't start with 'Q'." Ritchie whispered.   
"Fine!" Gary hissed back, and began rapping again. "Q is for Queef, R is for Right-ho, S is for Sex. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! T is for Titties, U is for Ugly Slut, V is for Victoria's Secret, W is for Whoopee cushion. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! X is for Porn-"  
"That starts with 'P'" Ash says.  
"How would you know?" Misty said, poking him.  
"Porn is X rated, though." Gary said. He continued. "Y is for Yo, and Z is for Ash is Stupid! Yeah yeah, it's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah!" Ash turned around and glared at Gary through the darkness.  
"Why are you singing that?" He asked the shadowy figure that was Gary.  
"I'm... uh... None of your business whelp... Aw!!!! GROSS!!!!! He threw up on my new leather jacket!!!" Misty turned on a flashlight.  
"GARY!!!! WHY DID YOU BRING SAM??????"  
"He's my baby..." Gary said, holding Sam to his chest.  
"No he's not. He's my brother. You should have left him behind with my mom!!!!" Ash said. "Give him to me." Ash held out his hands. Gary growled and snapped his teeth.  
"Aiya!!!!" Ash said, withdrawing his hands, trying not to get bitten.  
"Why did you bring him?" Misty asked again.  
"He's gonna grow up to be a pimp like me." Gary said proudly. "I taught him the ABC's from 'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'." Ash glared at Gary.  
"He's going to be a Pokemon Trainer." Ash said.  
"Pimp."  
"Trainer."  
"Pimp."  
"Trainer."  
"Pimp!"  
"Trainer!"  
"He's going to be a pimp whether you like it or not!" Gary said.  
"He's going-"  
"Home!" said a voice, behind them.  
"Brock!" Ritchie said.  
"Mrs. Ketchum freaked out when she saw Sam was replaced with Tracy's blow up blow job doll, so I figured one of you must have him." Gary stuck out his bottom lip and unzipped his jacket. Brock took Sam.  
"How did you get in here anyways?" Ash asked.  
"I don't know. The authors put me here to save Sam."  
"Oh." Everyone said.   
"Bye." Brock said. The authors took him out of wherever Ash and Co. are.  
"Damn Social Services..." Gary muttered. They walked along. They reached an air vent. The teens crowded around the vent.  
"Look! I can see Team Rocket members!" Ash said.  
"Members?" Tracy said, the authors making him appear.  
"Not those kind." Gary hissed to Tracy, who is dressed in black and also joining Ash and Co. in their mission.  
"Aw...." Tracy said, sitting back on his heals.  
"Here's the plan." Ash took out a bunch of bars of soap out of his jacket. He let out Totodile, Cyndaquil, and took Pikachu off of his shoulder. He took the black hat off Pikachu's head.  
"Listen carefully. Eat. The. Soap." The Pokemon gave the soap weird looks.  
"Just do it!" Ash told them. Pikachu ate the soap. He burped and bubbles began foaming around his mouth.  
"Cool! Fake rabies!" Gary said. Totodile ate the soap, bubbles started spewing from his mouth. Cyndaquil ate the soap. It melted. Cyndaquil let a poofie and bubbles came out of his butt.  
"NEAT!!!!!!" Gary said. Misty and Ritchie took the vent off the vent.  
"Now go and scare the Team Rocket Members!" Pikachu, Totodile, and Cyndaquil jumped down the vent.  
"Ah!!!!! Rabid Pokemon!" Yelled a Rocket. The screamed and ran away. When the room was deserted Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, and Tracy jumped down into the room.  
"All right. Now we just have to find Jessie and James." Ash said. "Now where would they be constructing a very dangerous scam?" Ash looked around the room.  
"Uh.... Ash?" Misty said. "What about that door that's labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'?"  
"Nah..." Ash said. Ash thought for a moment and looked around some more.  
"Hey! What about the door labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'!" Everyone fell over. Ash ran to the door.   
"Come on you guys!" Ash said, turning the door knob. They went inside.  
"Ah!" Said Cassidy (tee hee... This is gonna get good!) to the kids. "Are you the test subjects for the Mewtwo Hump Buddie?" she asked them.  
"Yeah." Ash said quickly.  
"I'm the official hump tester for you!" Gary said. Cassidy brushed him off.  
"EW! Tester germs!" She said. Butch came over and sprayed her with Lysol.   
"Thank you." Cassidy said. She snapped a pair of rubber gloves violently before putting them on. Ash and his friends gave each other scared looks.   
"Right this way." Cassidy said, leading the kids to a tank where a female (yay!) Mewtwo was floating. Team Rocket scientists were taking notes off charts. Ash spotted Jessie and James making out in excitement because they were getting a Mewtwo Hump Buddie.  
"Yuck." Ash muttered.   
"Giovanni!" said a scientist. "The Mewtwo is finished." Jessie and James came up for air and cheered.  
"Yay!" They said.   
"Release the Pokemon!" Giovanni said, sitting on his mat, bong hose poised by his lips. Butch pulled a lever and the liquid drained out of the tank and it hissed open.  
"EEEEEEEEE!" James said, rushing forward.  
"Back!" Giovanni said. James stopped.  
"Let the testers go first." Cassidy pushed Ash forward. Ash then ripped off his black clothing and stood in his regular outfit. Misty, Ritchie, and Gary did the same. Tracy took off all his clothes.  
"WEEEEEEE!!!!! Hump Buddie!!!!!!!" Tracy said. He went up to the Mewtwo, who blinked her long eyelashes at him.  
"AH!!!!!! A GIRL!!!!!!!" Tracy fled the room.  
"Its those twerps!" Jessie, James, Cassidy, and Butch said.  
"We came to stop you! We won't let you let this powerful Pokemon harm people by humping them." Ash said, pointing a finger at him.  
"Fudge off, child of Delia Ketchum." Giovanni said. Ash paused.  
"How do you know my mom?"  
"We used to date. Until she dumped me because I got addicted to my pot." Giovanni held up his bong. "So, I could no longer get pleasure from your mother. I was masturbating everyday. So I secretly trained all my Pokemon to be hump buddies to satisfy my needs."  
"That's disgusting." Misty said. Giovanni ignored the comment and continued.  
"When I got my new bong, I could smoke more pot, considering the size. And I kept smoking pot because the pot fumes made my Pokemon more hornier and could satisfy me more. However, it also infected Pokemon all around."  
"No wonder Pokemon have been humping people!" Ritchie said.  
"But I'm afraid this Mewtwo is indestructible." Giovanni took a long suck on his bong.  
"Well.... We can always... make a deal..." Misty said, stepping forward. Giovanni looked her up and down.  
"How old are you?"  
"15." Misty said.  
"The younger the better." Giovanni grinned.  
"But Misty!" Ash said.  
"I've got it under control." Misty said. Misty sat on Giovanni's lap. He dropped the bong hose. Misty made a purring noise in Giovanni's ear. He squirmed. Ash stood frozen in shock. Gary kicked Ash in the butt, to get his attention. While everyone else was watching Misty seduce Giovanni, Ritchie had snuck over to the Mewtwo. He was behind her back. Gary took a Pokeball out of his pocket and tossed it to Ritchie who caught the Mewtwo. The Mewtwo was new to the world and had never tested her powers, and didn't emerge from the Pokeball. Ash gave Ritchie a thumbs up. Rockets were having problems and went to more secluded places in the headquarters. Jessie and James fell over. Cassidy and Butch were the only ones still standing. Cassidy looked at Butch. Butch looked at Cassidy.  
"I knew you loved me!" Cassidy said. Butch jumped Cassidy.   
"Oh!!!!! Yeah!!!!! Botch!!!!" Cassidy said.  
"IT'S BUTCH!!!!!!!" Butch yelled.   
"Hurry!" Ash said to Misty, getting jealous. Misty grabbed Giovanni in a bad place and he passed out. They ran out of Team Rocket Headquarters.  
"That was a close one!" Ritchie said.  
"Let's get back to the frat. I need to chill with my Pimp in Training." Gary said, walking past all the passed out Rockets.  
  
Note: SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Nicole will be writing the next chapter. Give her a round of applause. This will be her first chapter she's written. I did all the rest. We are starting on the sequel to 'Ah! My Lumbago!' so stay tuned for that. It will hopefully be wackier than the first.   
  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
'The Homies Guide to Pimpness' 


	21. The Homies Guide to Pimpness

Ah! My Lumbago!  
(Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'  
  
By Nicole C. & Lauren G. (RowlingIdol)  
  
"Man Misty! That was so gross! How come you had do that?" said Ash, thoroughly disgusted.  
"You should be thanking me! There was no other way to save your @$$!" Misty retorted.  
"Yeah well after you licked Giovanni's ear like that you better brush your teeth and rinse with fluoride if you think I'm going to kiss you! Humph!" Ash said and stalked off.   
"I would never kiss a ghetto slut like that anyways!" Gary pointed out.  
Misty slapped him and walked off to find Ash.  
  
****************  
  
Note from your author: Yay! I'm finally writing a chapter! ^-^ Clap for me! Sorry for never writing any chapters before *sweat drop* hehehe... well anyways, on with the story!  
  
Well, it's a new day in Pallet town. The Pokemon have been normal ever since Ash and company saved the day five months ago. But what ever happened to that Mewtwo? Perhaps we shall find out in later chapters. Little Sam is growing smarter by the day with Gary reading him 'The Homies Guide to Pimpness' every night and teaching him the ABC's with flash cards and catchy rap music.   
  
Gary held up a flash card that had a scantily dressed woman with bad makeup on.  
"Now what letter is that my little Homie?" Gary asked the mystified Sam.  
Sam blinked and threw up.   
"No, it's 'U' for ugly slut, yo" Gary explained.  
Sam grinned and started laughing.  
"Oh, well. You'll get it sooner or later, my man. Now let's get to the next letter." Gary said.  
****************  
Later on during the day Gary had taken Laura to the mall. When he walked in the door Sam was delighted.  
"Gary!" Sam said.  
Delia fainted and Gary jumped for joy.  
"That's right! I'm Gary!" Gary ran and hugged Sam who threw up on him and then started laughing. Gary laughed and revived Delia. Delia went into a fury!  
"How could you Sam? Gary you little @$$#*&*^%^%^$##@$$! Go to your room!!!!" Delia screamed (She hasn't had her Twinkies yet^-^).  
Gary ran around the corner and pretended to go into his room. He peaked around the corner and watched. Delia felt a little better and smiled at Sam.  
"Now that that stupid Gary is gone you'll be better. I'm going to go get Daddy so he can see that you said your first word!" Said Delia, now forgetting her anger. Delia went down to the lab and fetched Professor Oak.  
"See! Look! He can talk now! He said his first word!" Delia said excitedly.  
"Oh, wow! Really? What was it?" Asked Professor Oak.  
"Gary." Delia mumbled.  
"What was that?" Professor Oak asked.  
"I said GARY!!!" Delia yelled.  
"Oh..." Said Professor Oak, "Now honey, I'm sure it was just a mistake. Here, let's get him to say Mommy."   
Delia looked at Sam and pointed to herself, "Okay Sam, I'm Mommy. Say Mommy."  
Sam looked up at Delia and spoke, "Ho!" he laughed.  
"No! Mommy!" Delia tried to keep herself from yelling.  
"Ho!"  
"Mommy!" Delia was yelling now.  
"Ho!"  
"Mommy!"   
"Ho!"   
"Mommy!"  
"Ho!"   
"Mommy!"  
"Ho!"   
"Mommy!"  
"Now, now you two," Said Samuel breaking up the fight, "Here let me try Delia."  
Gary was laughing so hard now that he was rolling on the floor.  
"Okay Sam. I'm Daddy! Say Daddy!" Samuel said in a baby-ish voice.   
"Old!" Sam cooed.  
"No! Daddy!"  
"Old!"  
"Daddy!"  
"Old!"  
"Daddy!"   
"Old!"  
"Daddy!"   
"Old!"  
"Daddy!"  
"Well, it's dinner time now, I better feed Sam." Said Delia changing the subject. She sat down on the couch with Sam and pulled up her shirt. "Dinner!"  
Sam looked up, "Titties!"  
Delia was shocked, "No Sam, they're breasts."  
"Titties!" Sam cooed.  
Delia decided not to argue with him and started feeding him. When she was done she decided to invite everyone over for dinner to celebrate. She set about making dinner and left Sam with Samuel. He was playing peek-a-boo with Sam when Ash walked in. Gary was still watching.  
Sam looked up at Ash, "Z!"  
Ash smiled, "Wow! He's talking now?"  
"Yeah," said Samuel. "He's already said Gary, which was his first word, ho, old and titties. I don't know what 'Z' means though."  
Gary couldn't contain himself any longer, "It means Ash is Stupid! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
"Oh, and how would you know?" Ash said angrily.  
"Because, I taught him that with my ABC's flash cards," Gary said trying to get a hold of himself.  
"Why you little!" Ash screamed and attacked Gary.  
"PPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"  
Went Gary's whoopee cushion.   
"Ha ha ha! You really are stupid!" Gary could barely talk, he was laughing to hard. "Anyone but you could'a seen that one comin'!"   
"Eeeeeaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh!" Ash screamed and started punching Gary. All the while Sam just kept pointing at Ash and saying 'Z'.  
"Now, now boys," Professor Oak tried to pull Ash off of the unaffected Gary. "Break it up."  
When Professor Oak finally managed to pull Ash off of Gary it was almost dinnertime. Delia walked in the living room and told Ash to go get everyone.  
  
****************  
"Mmmmmmmm... this food is great!" Brock said, "Maybe you can give May a few cooking lessons."  
*Thwack!* May hit Brock upside the head. "Why do you have to make so many derogatory comments about my cooking!" yelled May.  
"Ouch! I didn't mean it like that, honey! Your cooking is wonderful. I was simply suggesting that you two girls get together and share cooking stuff." Brock said quickly.  
"Oh! That would be so wonderful! Wouldn't it, May?" Delia exclaimed.   
"Yes! It would. I would love to do that with you Delia." May said. She's apparently having mood swings.  
"How about tomorrow?"  
"That sounds great!"  
Everyone went on with dinner. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
"May, why don't you answer that?" Professor Oak said.  
May went and opened the door. "Gary, it's for you. Why don't you come in?" May suggested.  
"Aaaaa! It's the authors!" screamed Ash.  
"What are you doing here?" said Professor Oak.  
"Oh! It's nothing at all really... we just wanted to check up on you!" Said Nicole.  
"Hey Gary! I found your missing porn stash!" said Lauren.  
"Really! Lead me to it, yo!"  
"It's over here under the couch cushion"  
While Gary was over getting his missing porn stash, Nicole set a devious trap. After retrieving his treasure Gary came and sat down.  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"  
Went the giant whoopee cushion sitting under Gary. Everyone except for Delia burst out laughing hysterically.   
"Gary! If you have problems then you should go into the bathroom and take care of it!" Delia said. She was appalled that Gary had "farted" at her dinner table. "Now you take some of this and you'll feel better. It worked on Tracey." Delia handed him a bottle of Bean-o, which caused more laughter. "All of you be quiet! It's not funny!"  
Everyone tried to contain their laughter but couldn't. When they finally got a hold of themselves Nicole and Lauren said that they needed to go and took off. Gary was bright red with anger and embarrassment.  
"Hey! You two ghetto hos get your fat jabooties back here!" Gary screamed. Just then he found a note attached to the whoopee cushion. It said 'Revenge is a dish best served cold, you ho licker!'  
****************  
After dinner our Pokemon gang decided to go to Baskin Robins. They even took baby Sam.  
"Yo! I'd like a waffle cone with two scoops of Gary! Scoop it quick ho!" Gary said to the girl behind the counter.  
"Um... Sir there is no such thing as a flavor named 'Gary'." Said the girl.  
"What you talkin' 'bout ho! Fine if there isn't Gary then I'll take Pink Jiggly Puff Bubblegum. It was always my favorite as a child, yo."  
"And what would you like sir?" the girl asked Misty.  
"I'm not a boy!" Misty screamed, "What are you retarded or something!?!"  
"I'm so sorry! I didn't know! You're just so flat... What flavor do you want?" the ice cream girl quickly changed the subject.  
"I want Blue Berry Marril" Misty said.  
The other people that were in the store stared at Misty and decided to leave. They were afraid. Misty stared after them venomously. Delia and Professor Oak ordered a Clefairy Crap Chocolate Sundae to share with Sam. May ordered vanilla ice cream with pickles on top. Brock ordered a Dragonair's Lagoon slushy. Tracey ordered Hump Buddy Honey ice cream, thinking that it would provide some sort of a hump buddy. Ash ordered Pikachu Pee ice cream. They all had fun and ate ice cream to their hearts content. Little did they know someone was watching...  
  
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'  
'The Thrilling Conclusion to Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
Note from the author: Sorry this took me so long to type! I hope you liked it! Sorry if there are any spelling errors in the names of the Pokemon. 


	22. The Thrilling Conclusion to Ah! My Lumba...

Ah! My Lumbago!  
(Never eat too many Twinkies)  
  
'The Thrilling Conclusion to Ah! My Lumbago!'  
  
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.  
  
"Sigh! I wish those kids would realize how alone I am without a Pokemon like me." Mewtwo sighed from his perch on a lamppost outside Baskin Robbins. Our characters left the place and got into the van and went home.   
  
At home, The kids camped out in the living room.  
"I can't believe my mom is making me go to school." Ash said.  
"My sisters sent me a letter and said I had to go to school too." Misty said.  
"I think I'll go to school because there's nothing better than getting a good education." Richie said. Everyone stared at him.  
"What?" Richie said.   
"I know something better than getting a good education. Getting a good blow-"  
"Tracy get out of here you fag bag!" Gary yelled. Tracy started to cry.  
"But I wanted to join in the sleepover." He whined, holding up his sleeping bag.  
"No man, that bag reeks of gay sex." Gary said, holding his nose. Tracy began to blubber.  
"Bu-bu-bu-bu-but I wanted to-" Tracy started sobbing.  
"Okay, okay!" Ash said. "Just shut up. You'll wake Sam!"  
"No he won't." Gary said.  
"Gary!" Misty said. "What did you do with Sam?"  
"Nothing." Gary said quickly, scooting over on his sleeping bag.  
"What's that lump?" Ash asked.  
"Uh. Porn." Gary answered. Ash poked the lump. It began to cry.  
"GARY!" Ash, Misty, and Richie said.  
"He's my baby! No one can touch him!" Gary said, taking Sam out from under the covers.  
"Put him back in his crib." Ash ordered.  
"He doesn't like his crib." Gary insisted.   
"Do it!"  
"With who?" replied Gary. Ash rolled his eyes and snatched his baby brother from Gary's grasp.  
"*Gasp!* My BABY!" Gary said.  
"Z!" Sam said. Ash brought Sam upstairs and returned.  
"Hey Richie." Ash asked. "Do you still have that Mewtwo?" Richie reached over to his backpack and found a Pokeball.  
"Yeah. What about it? Want to use it for illegal Pokemon Trainer reasons?"  
"No!" Ash said. "That's what Misty's for." Misty smacked him upside the head.  
"Anyways." Ash said, rubbing his head. "I thought we should let it go."  
"But it could be destructive." Richie said.  
"Not if we leave her in a good place." Misty said. "Remember that place with all the Butterfree and the Nidoqueen and the Ryhorn that got it on?"  
"Oh yeah. That movie." Richie said.  
"What? You mean we're a movie too?" Ash said.   
"Well, it's mainly just a really really really really long TV episode that you have to pay money to see." Richie replied shrugging.  
"Oh." Ash said. "Anyways. Then tomorrow let's go to Mt. Kaina and put Mewtwo there.  
  
The next day, the authors magically placed Ash, Misty, Richie, Tracy, and Gary on Mt. Kaina.   
"What do we do now?" Ash asked.  
"Find Mewtwo?" Misty suggested.  
"Here I am!" Mewtwo said, floating down in front of him.  
"Sup, yo?" Gary said.  
"Uh....." Mewtwo said.  
"Hey....." Tracy said winking.   
"Uh..........................." Mewtwo said. "*Ahem* What brings you here?" Mewtwo said.  
"We have a surprise for you!" Richie said.  
"What?" Mewtwo asked. Richie took out the Poke ball with the other Mewtwo in it.  
"She's your new friend!" Ash said.  
"Hubba hubba!" Mewtwo said.  
"Hey handsome." Said the female Mewtwo. They floated off together.  
"Aw....... What a nice ending." Misty said.  
"Can we go home now?" Tracy whined.  
"Fine!" Ash said, annoyed. "Uh..... How are we going to get back home?" The kids looked down the steep cliff.  
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!" they all yelled. "AUTHORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Just then the kids were zapped back by the author to the Professor's house.   
"Hey kids! We're going to go see a movie." Professor Oak said, picking up the car keys.  
"Cool!" Ash said. "What movie are we going to see?"  
"Triple X." Professor Oak replied.  
"YAY!" Tracy said. He ran to the car shortly followed by Gary.  
"What are you waiting for homies? Let's go to the movies!"  
  
As the movie started, Tracy had his hand anxiously in his pants. Gary was grinning really big.  
"Hey, did you know there is a rumor going around that Vin Diesel is gay? That's too bad, because he is hot." Said the author's friend Akiko.   
"What are you doing here, you fag bag?" asked Gary.  
"The authors sent me."  
"What for?"  
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" went Gary's whoopee cushion.  
"Ha! I came prepared if the authors sent one of their minions. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
*Thwak!* went a golf club over Gary's head.  
"Hey! This isn't my plushie mallet! It's my brother's golf club!"  
"Shhhhhhhhh!" said Hare-Chan, one of the theatre's employees.  
"I hope he's gay. I think he's hot, too." Said Tracy. Akiko then hit Tracy.  
"Ah! A girl just hit me!" Tracy ran to a seat far from Akiko.  
"Damn straight she did!" said Gary.  
  
************  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
~Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago! (Never eat too many Twinkies)'~  
  
  
Ah! My Lumbago! The Sequel  
(Never do too much homework) 


End file.
